The wedding day
[15] (halacha 1045)
Aliyah to the Torah
The Mordechai1 wrote regarding the Torah reading on Monday and Thursday: 'And one who adds shall not add more than three. Ri bar R' Avraham responded regarding a case that came before him, where it happened that there were three weddings on one Wednesday, and one of them was a kohen and two were Yisraelim, and he ruled that on Thursday they could be called up to the Torah, even though we learned that one who adds shall not add more than three. (And he responded) It appears in my eyes that this is like a festival, when four are called up, as we say in the first chapter of Kesubos, that a chosson is compared to a festival, and the days of his festival are considered for him [for himself] a yom tov'.
And so wrote the Hagahos Maimonios2: 'Riva permitted adding beyond three when there is a wedding on Thursday, if it is needed, such as when there are three chassanim, two Yisrael and one kohen, for a chuppah is like a festival as is proven in the first chapter of Kesubos, end of quote'.
As halacha, the Mechaber3 wrote: 'On Monday and Thursday, and on Shabbos at Mincha, three are called up; one may not subtract from them and one may not add to them; and one does not read a haftarah from the Navi'.
And the Rema wrote in his gloss: 'And if there were two chassanim in the shul and they are Yisraelim, it is permitted to add by calling up a fourth, for to them it is like a yom tov on which it is permitted to add4, and it appears that the same applies to two ba'alei bris, for it is their yom tov, as below in siman 559'.
However, in the source of these matters it appears that the discussion concerns the obligation of the chosson's aliyah to the Torah on the days after the wedding as above, but there are those who understood the words of the Rema as referring to the day of the wedding5.
In the ancient takkanos of the Alt Neu Shul synagogue in Prague, it is cited6: 'An old enactment from the Gaon Maharal mentioned above, of the obligations in this order: the chosson on the day of his wedding or on the Shabbos after his wedding, that is, whether he is a bachur or even a widower who married a virgin, and likewise the bar mitzvah and the chosson on the Shabbos when they sing for him on the Shabbos before his wedding, and if it is not possible for both to be called up, they shall cast lots between them, and afterwards the shushvinim, and afterwards the sandak, and afterwards the mohel, and afterwards the husband of the woman who gave birth, and afterwards the yahrzeit'.
And the Levush7 wrote, cited in the Magen Avraham8 regarding the obligations of those called up to the Torah: 'If the bar mitzvah is a townsman, he takes precedence over all the obligations since it is the day of his initiation, except for the chosson on the day of his wedding'.
And so wrote the Sha'arei Ephraim9: 'A chosson on the day of his wedding, that is, on a weekday when the chuppah is performed on that day, takes precedence over all the obligations, even over a youth who became bar mitzvah on that day, and all the more so that he takes precedence over the yahrzeit'.
However, in a case where the chuppah is performed after sunset, there are those who wrote10 that he does not take precedence over the other obligations, but nevertheless it is fitting for him to be called up to the Torah. And if the next day is the day of the reading, it is good that he be called up on the day after his chuppah. And there are those who wrote11 that even if the chuppah is after sunset the chosson is considered an obligated party and takes precedence over the other people called up12.
[And as to what aliyah the chosson receives, the Pri Chadash13 wrote: 'If there is no kohen and there is a chosson, the chosson shall be called up in place of the kohen, as we say at the end of Maseches Moed Katan14: From where do we know that a chosson reclines at the head? As it says15 "כְּחָתָן יְכַהֵן פְּאֵר" ("as a bridegroom adorns himself in priestly fashion"), just as a kohen is at the head, so too a chosson is at the head; and as for the kohen himself, from where do we know it? For the school of R' Yishmael taught: "וְקִדַּשְׁתּוֹ" ("and you shall sanctify him") for everything pertaining to holiness, to open first and to bless first'16].
> Thus we have seen that a chosson on the day of his chuppah needs to be called up to the Torah, and he (and not his family members) takes precedence over others who wish to be called up [and in the coming halachos we will see regarding aliyah on the other days of the sheva brochos.]
Footnotes:
1 מגילה רמז תתח ↩
2 הל' תפילה פי"ב אות נ ↩
3 שו"ע או"ח סי' קלה ס"א ↩
4 כתב במקראי קודש (גראדזינסקי) סי' ו שערי קדושה אות ב: 'משום שזה יום שמחתו וראוי לשמחו בשמחה של מצוה בקריאת התורה שהוא משמחי לב. ועפ"ז אם היו ב' חתנים בבהכנ"ס והם ישראלים מותר להוסיף על מנין הקרואים ביום ב' וה' לקרות ד', דלדידהו הוי כיו"ט שמותר להוסיף כמ"ש רמ"א .. אלא שכתוב האחרונים שאין נוהגין כן, עי' בכלל יז ס"ה, אלא יטילו גורל אם שניהם מתושבי העיר, ודוקא החתן עצמו דוחה כל החיובים אבל לא המחותנים, דהחתן עצמו הוא יו"ט שלו כדאמרינן במו"ק מנין לחתן שמיסב בראש שנאמר כחתן יכהן פאר, והוא נמי ראש לכל החיובים' ↩
5 ראה ט"ז סק"ב, ובמור וקציעה שם. ויל"ע מהו גדר החתן ביום חתונתו קודם החופה [כי כנ"ל מקור ההלכה שנחשב מועד הוא מהלכות אבל שהוא נחשב מועד לאחר החופה], וראה בהלכה הבאה את הדיון לגבי אמירת תחנון ביום חתונתו בשחרית. וראה להלן הע' 12 ↩
6 תקנה ג, (מצורף צילום התקנות) ↩
7 או"ח סי' רפב ס"ז ↩
8 סו"ס רפב, ובמשנ"ב ביאור הלכה סי' קלו ס"א ↩
9 ש"ב ס"ב ↩
10 הליכות שלמה תפילה פי"ב סקט"ו ↩
11 ראה הנסמן בשערי הנישואין פ"ו הע' לז ↩
12 וראה בשערי הלכה ומנהג (אשכנזי) ח"א סי' פג שמשעת כתיבת וקנית החתן על חיובי הכתובה נחשב הוא כחתן ↩
13 או"ח סי' קלה ס"א ↩
14 כח, ב ↩
15 ישעיה סא, י ↩
16 להעיר שדברי הפר"ח לכאורה נאמרו ביחס לחתן אחר חתונתו [ובהתאם ג"כ לשיטתו לגבי תחנון, ראה הלכה הבאה] אך עדיין לכאורה יש ללמוד מכך גם לנוהגים לעלות החתן ביום חתונתו ↩
[16] (halacha 1046)
Tachanun
Question: Does one say Tachanun on the day of the chuppah?
Answer: The Shibbolei HaLeket1 wrote: 'On the day of the chuppah one does not fall on the face at all in a congregation in which the chosson is present, and on Monday and Thursday one does not say viduy nor "Avinu HaRachaman"'.
Also in the Hagahos Maimonios2 it is written: 'And so is the minhag throughout our kingdom, that there is no falling on the face in the Yotzer tefillah on the day of the milah, and likewise on the day of the wedding in the place where the chosson davens'.
And so wrote the Abudraham3: 'And the minhag is to daven in the chosson's house on the day of the wedding. And in Seville the minhag is to add, in honor of the chosson, "Hodu LaShem kir'u bish'mo," and they do not fall on their faces, and they also do not say "Ya'ancha Hashem b'yom tzarah," for it is a day of joy for the chosson and not a day of distress. And so it says (Tehillim 19:6) "וְהוּא כְּחָתָן יֹצֵא מֵחֻפָּתוֹ" ("and it is like a bridegroom coming forth from his chamber") etc., and in place of "Tefillah l'David" they say "Lamnatze'ach livnei Korach," because it speaks of the matter of the chosson and the kallah, and it calls the chosson a king, as is said in Pirkei d'Rabbi Eliezer: the chosson is likened to a king — just as a king wears garments of honor, so too the chosson wears garments of honor all seven days of the feast. Just as everyone praises the king, so too everyone praises the chosson all seven days of the feast. Just as joy and feasting are before the king, so too joy is before the chosson all seven days of the feast. Just as the king does not go out alone, so too the chosson does not go out alone all seven days of the feast. Just as the king's face shines like the light of the sun, so too the chosson's face shines like the light of the sun, as it says "וְהוּא כְּחָתָן יֹצֵא" ("and it is like a bridegroom coming forth") etc. And in Toledo they do not change anything from the order of the day, but after "Tefillah l'David" they say "Lamnatze'ach al shoshanim" alone. And the minhag of Seville is better, and so wrote Rav Natronai: falling on the face is optional, and one falls in the house of the mourner but does not fall in the house of the chosson, and all the more so the mizmor "Ya'ancha b'yom" and "Tefillah l'David," which are optional, and it is fitting not to say them'.
And the Terumas HaDeshen4 wrote to explain the reason that even before the chuppah one should not say Tachanun: 'And if one should say tachinah on Friday morning when the chosson is in shul? It appears that one should not say tachinah, since on that day he enters the chuppah; the whole day is one matter and it is his festival. And there is proof from Erev Pesach, that one does not say "Lamnatze'ach" because of the slaughtering of the pesachim, even though there are no pesachim until after midday. My colleague Mahar"r Aizik also tells me that the minhag in Rhineland is that even on Thursday the chassanim are accustomed to leave the shul before "Retzei," so that they may say "V'Hu Rachum" and tachinah'.
And as halacha the Mechaber5 wrote: 'The minhag is not to fall on the face, neither in the house of the mourner, nor in the house of the chosson, nor in the shul on the day of a milah, nor when there is a chosson present'.
And the Rema wrote in his gloss: .. which is not so with a chosson, where Tachanun is not said the whole day when one davens at the chosson's, and one is not called a chosson except on the day he enters the chuppah'.
And the Pri Chadash wrote there on the words of the Rema: 'And one is not called a chosson except on the day he enters the chuppah. This excludes the day before the chuppah, but on the day of the chuppah, even though he does not enter the chuppah until the evening, one does not fall on the face in the morning, as is written in the writings of Maharar Yisrael [Terumas HaDeshen part 2] siman 80. But it does not come to exclude the seven days of the chuppah, for it is an obvious matter that all seven days he is called a chosson'.
> Thus the poskim wrote that one does not say Tachanun on the day of the chuppah, even in the Shacharis tefillah that precedes the chuppah.
However, there are those who wrote that before the chuppah one does say Tachanun, as the Radvaz6 wrote on the words of the Terumas HaDeshen: 'And we have never seen this minhag, for he is not yet called a chosson and no aspect of the wedding has taken effect upon him, and even though one recites "shehasimcha bim'ono" once they have thrown the barley into the mortar, that is specifically in the chosson's house at the time of the seudah, because they are rejoicing from that time, but they are not exempt from any mitzvah, nor from falling on the face, nor from tachanunim. And the proof that he brought from Erev Pesach — there it is different, for it is a mitzvah incumbent upon all of Yisrael and all are rejoicing in the simcha of Pesach, and even from the morning they are occupied with the pesach so that it will be ready for them toward evening, and it would have been possible to learn from his proof, of blessed memory, that the chosson himself would be exempt from falling on the face and tachanunim, but to exempt the entire congregation on his account there is no proof from there'.
And so the Pri Chadash wrote to disagree with the Terumas HaDeshen, and these are the words of the Pri Chadash there: 'But to me it appears reasonable, not like Mahar"i of blessed memory, but rather that as long as one has not entered the chuppah one falls on the face'.
And so it is written in Siddur Derech HaChaim7: 'On the day he enters the chuppah one says [Tachanun] until he enters the chuppah'.
And see also Ma'amar Mordechai8: 'However, what Mahara"i of blessed memory wrote, that on the day he enters the chuppah one does not fall on the face even at Shacharis even though he has not yet entered, and so it appears from the words of the Rema in the Shulchan Aruch — we do not practice so, but rather even the chosson himself falls on the face, and this is correct, and see the Rav Pri Chadash of blessed memory'.
And in the Bais Meir9 it is written on the Pri Chadash: 'At first glance it appears as his words according to our minhag, that they fast on the day of the chuppah, whereas within the seven days of the chuppah even a yahrzeit one would not fast, as is explained in the Ateres Zekenim siman 559, because it is considered a yom tov for him; this shows that we do not count the seven days except from the time of the chuppah. But the language of the Rema certainly implies like the words of Mahara"i, not to say [Tachanun] even at Shacharis, and he did not concern himself with the minhag of the fast; therefore one must not deviate from their words'.
And in practice the Alter Rebbe10 wrote: 'The minhag is not to fall on the face in the house of the chosson on the day he enters the chuppah, because it is his yom tov, and not in the shul on the day of a milah because they accepted upon themselves the mitzvah of milah with joy, and not when there is a chosson present in the shul, and not in the house of the mourner, because the seven days of mourning are compared to the seven days of the festival regarding the prohibition of doing work, as it says "וְהָפַכְתִּי חַגֵּיכֶם לְאֵבֶל" ("and I will turn your festivals into mourning"); and the same applies to "V'Hu Rachum" which is said on Monday and Thursday .. which is not so with a chosson, where Tachanun is not said the whole day when they daven at the chosson's, or if he comes to the shul on the day he enters the chuppah, and there are places where the minhag is that the chassanim do not go to shul a day or two before the chuppah so that the congregation may say Tachanun; but if they entered the shul they say Tachanun except on the day of the chuppah ..'.
From the words of the Alter Rebbe it appears that he ruled like the words of the Rema, that one does not say Tachanun the whole day, even before the chuppah.
> Thus we have seen that on the day of the chuppah the chosson does not say Tachanun, and the congregation also does not say it when the chosson davens in the shul, even when the tefillah is before the chuppah11.
Footnotes:
1 ענין תפילה סי' ל ↩
2 הלכות תפילה פ"ה אות ש ↩
3 ברכת אירוסין ונישואין לגבי יום הנישואין ↩
4 פסקים וכתבים סי' פ ↩
5 שו"ע או"ח סי' קלא ס"ד ↩
6 שו"ת ח"א סי' קעט ↩
7 פל"ח סק"ט, אך בנתיב חיים העיר מדברי אדמו"ר הזקן דלקמן וכתב: 'ביום החופה אין אומרים תחנון' ↩
8 סי' קלא ס"ק יג ↩
9 או"ח קלד ↩
10 שו"ע או"ח סי' קלא סעיפים ה-ו. אך להעיר שבסידור אדמו"ר הזקן לא הזכיר לגבי אי אמירת תחנון בחתן ביום חתונתו ↩
11 גם כאשר החופה היא אחרי השקיעה נהוג שאין אומרים חתנון גם בשחרית שלפני החופה, וראה הנסמן בהערות הרב רסקין לסידור אדמו"ר הזקן ח"א עמ' שצה הע' 1057 ↩
[17] (halacha 1047)
Viduy (1)
Question: Does one need to say viduy on the day of the wedding?
Answer: The Shela1 wrote: 'And the chosson and kallah need to sanctify themselves very, very much upon their entering the chuppah. First of all, it is known what Chazal said2, that the Holy One, blessed be He, forgives them their sins. Therefore they should do teshuvah on the day before the chuppah, for the minhag throughout all of Yisrael is that they fast, and they should arouse themselves greatly in teshuvah and examine their deeds from the day they were born until this day, and confess and request pardon, forgiveness, and atonement from Hashem yisbarach, and they should acknowledge and abandon [their sins] and regret with complete regret in a broken heart, and make a firm resolution from this day onward to serve Hashem in truth and sincerity, and to be holy and pure. And not as is the practice in some places, where the chosson and kallah sit together and play "cards" and the like. And afterwards they shall enter the chuppah, and pray that the Holy One, blessed be He, will rest His Shechinah between them, and as Chazal said3, a man and a woman [if they merit] the Shechinah is between them etc.'.
This minhag is cited in many seforim as an accepted minhag, as the Kerem Shlomo (Haas)4 wrote: 'The minhag is that the chosson davens at Mincha, after the Shemoneh Esrei, before he moves his feet, the entire order of the viduy in the manner that we daven on Yom Kippur, and it appears to me that even on Rosh Chodesh etc. he should daven thus, and so I once ruled in my younger days and my colleagues agreed with me'.
And so it is written in the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch5: 'The chosson and kallah need to sanctify themselves very, very much upon their entering the chuppah, and they should do teshuvah on that day and examine their deeds from the day they were born until this day, and confess and request pardon, forgiveness, and atonement from Hashem yisbarach, and acknowledge and abandon [their sins], and regret with complete regret in a broken heart, and make a firm resolution from this day onward to serve Hashem in truth and sincerity and to be holy and pure, and afterwards they shall enter the chuppah and pray that the Holy One, blessed be He, will rest His Shechinah between them, and as Chazal said, a man and a woman, the Shechinah is between them. And the minhag is that they say the viduy at the Mincha tefillah as on Erev Yom Kippur'.
And in the sefer Birkas Avraham6 he brings from the practices of the holy Rav R' Avraham David of Buczacz: 'He was accustomed to give the chassanim much moral instruction before their chuppah .. the chosson needs to accept in his heart to truly repent with all his heart and all his soul and all his might .. he should also say viduy aloud over the entire "Al Cheit" as on Yom Kippur, and in truth this day is greater than Yom Kippur, for Yom Kippur is every single year, and not so this day ..'.
And so the Mishnah Berurah7 wrote: 'On that day they are forgiven their sins and one should confess his sins on that day'.
And in the Divrei Yatziv8 it is written: 'And in the Nezer HaKodesh, that this case of a chosson is specifically when he has done teshuvah, except that sometimes teshuvah alone will not avail without afflictions or death, as is explained in Yoma regarding the four categories of atonement, but if one does teshuvah at the time of marrying a woman, then his teshuvah ascends to be fully accepted and they forgive him for all his sins, and that is what it says here, that he set his mind to convert and to do teshuvah at the time of marrying a woman etc., see there9. And accordingly it is well understood what they say on the day of the chuppah, "Al Cheit" as on Yom Kippur, since teshuvah is specifically required, and viduy is one of the components of teshuvah10, and understand this well'.
And these are the words of the Rebbe11: 'And it is understood that all this is in addition to the practices accepted throughout all the dispersions of Yisrael, regarding the other matters such as the Mincha tefillah with the addition of "Al Cheit" etc.'.
> Thus the minhag is that the chosson and kallah say viduy at the Mincha tefillah before the chuppah12.
Question: When the wedding is after nightfall and the chosson davens Maariv before the wedding, when should he say the viduy?
Answer: It is written in the Shu"t Chakal Yitzchak13: 'And as for what was heard in my name, that if the chuppah is at night then the chosson and kallah should not say the viduy at Mincha but rather at Maariv — I never said such a thing, and there is no basis to it, for the reason that they say the viduy is because it is a day of pardon and forgiveness of their sins, and therefore they fast until nightfall as explained .. and therefore, just as one says "Aneinu" at the Mincha of the fast and not at Maariv, so too here they need to say the viduy at Mincha, which is the conclusion of the fast day, and not at Maariv, which is the beginning of the second day, and this is clear'.
And so it is written in the Shu"t Apirkasta D'Anya14: 'As for what his honored Torah wrote in the name of a certain man who said in the name of my father-in-law the righteous gaon, of blessed memory15, that if the chuppah is at night the chosson should say the viduy at the Maariv tefillah — I have never seen nor heard of this minhag. And from the mouth of my father-in-law of blessed memory I heard not a word nor half a word about this. And in such a case we do not say that "we have not seen it" is no proof. And also, what reason is there for it, unless we say that one must confess specifically on the day of his chuppah, which is his Yom Kippur, and when the chuppah is at night there is no Mincha time of his chuppah day. But indeed we do not find in the poskim and in the seforim of minhogim, to the best of my limited knowledge, any mention of the matter. And see the Pischei Teshuvah Even HaEzer siman 61 sub-paragraph 9 in the name of the Kerem Shlomo, that even on Rosh Chodesh he should confess at Mincha (see Shedei Chemed, ma'areches chosson v'kallah 6 sub-letter 4, and in the sefer Yalkut HaGershuni on the sefer Nashim in the teshuvah at the beginning of the sefer siman 11, see there well). And in this case he certainly should have brought to mind to distinguish that if the chuppah is at night he should not confess at the Mincha of Rosh Chodesh but rather at the Maariv tefillah. But certainly there is no distinction to be made'.
> Thus even when the chuppah takes place after nightfall, and they daven Maariv before the chuppah, they should say the viduy at the Mincha tefillah16.
--------------
Footnotes:
1 שער האותיות אות הקו"ף - קדושת הזווג ↩
2 ירושלמי בכורים פ"ג ה"ג ↩
3 סוטה יז, א ↩
4 אבהע"ז סי' סה דינים לבעל מסדר הקידושין אות יד, הובא בפת"ש אהע"ז סי' סא ס"ק ט ↩
5 סי' קמו ס"ד ↩
6 עמ' קסה ↩
7 סי' תקעג ס"ק ח ↩
8 שו"ת חלק אהע"ז סי' עב ↩
9 וע"ע שפע חיים מכתבי תורה סי' שפ"ו ↩
10 רמב"ם הל' תשובה פ"א ה"א ↩
11 אג"ק ח"ה ע' פז ↩
12 אמנם יש קהילות שלא נתפשט בהם מנהג זה וכמ"ש השד"ח מערכת חתן וכלה אות ד (ח"ו ע' א'רמב): 'ובמקומות אלו אף אצל האשכנזים הי"ו לא ראיתי שעושים כן אף בחופות שנזדמנו בהן מרבני אשכנזים הי"ו שנראה מזה שלא נתפשט המנהג שהזכיר הרב כרם שלמה בכל מקומות מושבתם ונהרא נהרא ופשטיה'. ובשו"ת יביע אומר ח"ג אהע"ז סי' ט כתב: *'ומיהו לא נהיגי גבן האי מילתא להתודות במנחה שלפני חופתן*, ואדרבה כל קהל המוזמנים למזמוטי חתן וכלה אין אומרים תחנון בשבילם כשמתפללין מנחה קודם החופה'. (וראה שו"ת לבושי מרדכי חאה"ע סי' מט בסופו) ↩
13 סי' עט ↩
14 ח"ג יו"ד סי' קסב ↩
15 הרב משה שטרן, אב"ד פוליין-ריסקווה ↩
16 כאשר החופה לפני תפילת המנחה ראה בשלחן העזר ח"ב סי' ו ס"ה סק"א, שנוטה לומר שיאמרו הוידוי בשעת תפילת שחרית ↩
[18] (halacha 1048)
Viduy (2)
Question: Does one say viduy on days on which Tachanun is not said?
Answer: In the previous halacha we saw the words of the Kerem Shlomo (Haas)1 who wrote: 'The minhag is that the chosson davens at Mincha, after the Shemoneh Esrei, before he moves his feet, the entire order of the viduy in the manner that we daven on Yom Kippur, and it appears to me that even on Rosh Chodesh etc. he should daven thus, and so I once ruled in my younger days and my colleagues agreed with me'.
On the other hand, in the sefer Yalkut HaGershuni (Stern)2 it is written: 'It is written in the sefer Shevilei David, as follows: Seemingly, what is the practice to say viduy before the chuppah has no place on Rosh Chodesh, end of quote. However, in the sefer Pischei Teshuvah on Even HaEzer siman 61 sub-paragraph 9 he brings in the name of the Kerem Shlomo that he ruled in practice that even on Rosh Chodesh and other days on which one does not fast the chosson should daven the entire order of the viduy, see there; and in my sefer Yalkut HaGershuni part 2 in the omissions3 I brought that the Rav, the great gaon, our teacher Mordechai Danzig may he live, av beis din of the holy community of Vaag Vesha may God protect it, told me in the name of the gaon our teacher Yehuda Assad of blessed memory, who ruled that the chosson should not daven on Rosh Chodesh the order of the viduy, but rather should say after the Shemoneh Esrei chapter 51 in Tehillim, "Mizmor l'David b'vo eilav Nasan haNavi" etc., which is the mizmor of teshuvah, and I did so on the day of my wedding in the Upper Galilee on Rosh Chodesh Iyar 56224. And now we have found a companion for him, the gaon Mahar"i Assad, namely the gaon author of Shevilei David, "and by the testimony of two a matter is established"'.
And so it is written in the Toras Yekusiel5 that they should do as the ruling of Mahar"i Assad, to say after the Shemoneh Esrei mizmor 51 in Tehillim.
But the Mishneh Sachir6 rejected his words: 'And in my humble opinion he did not direct this in accordance with the halacha, for in my view it is indeed permitted to say viduy even on a day on which it is forbidden to fast, and my strength comes from an explicit statement in the Talmud7 .. in any case the matter is explicit in the Talmud and in Rashi, that they would confess on a festival, so it follows that all the more so on Rosh Chodesh one may say the viduy. And moreover, since I brought in the name of the sefer HaChaim that the entire reason for the viduy is in order to arouse his heart to complete teshuvah, then certainly if the chosson says on the day of his wedding the viduy of Erev Yom Kippur, it will certainly make a great impression on him and arouse him to the teshuvah of Yom Kippur, which is not so without it, and the minhag of the world is Torah, and so it is fitting to do, and as is implied from the aforementioned Talmud that it is permitted to say viduy even on a day on which one does not fast. And I found in the Shedei Chemed (Asifas Dinim, ma'areches vav letter 3) that he expounds at length on the law of viduy on Shabbos and yom tov, and not even one of the great ones there noticed the Talmud and Rashi in Yoma mentioned above, and this requires study regarding them; but in any case the law is decided as I have written with the help of Heaven, and understand this well'.
And likewise in the Shu"t Atzei Chaim (Teitelbaum)8 he expounds at length to reject his words and writes: 'And in such a case we say "go out and see what the people do," and we do not find any prohibition to confess on Rosh Chodesh, and therefore one should not abolish the minhag'.
And in the Shu"t Levushei Mordechai9: 'And as for the matter of those days on which tachinos are not said, on which the chosson and kallah do not fast — whether he should daven with the viduy as is the practice. And behold, so the people do (see the Iyun Tefillah in the name of the gaon of Buczacz), and is it in our power to change the minhag of the early ones? And there is also a basis to distinguish between them, that the fast is forbidden by the law of the Gemara from Megillas Taanis, according to the opinion that it is not nullified, while the fast of the chosson and kallah is only from a minhag; whereas not saying Tachanun we certainly do not find in the Talmud a prohibition, but only also from a minhag, as is written in OC siman 131 [se'if 6]; and therefore one should uphold both — the chosson's tefillah with the viduy from their minhag — but with the fast it is the reverse: the fast is forbidden by law for the aforementioned, and the fast of the chosson and kallah is only from a minhag, therefore this is set aside before that. Similarly the Magen Avraham wrote at the beginning of siman 489, see there, regarding the bracha of counting the Omer on the second day of yom tov'.
And in the Shu"t Divrei Yatziv10: 'And this corroborates the testimony of the Rav R. Sh. Sh. of Mahrimlov in the kuntres Iyun Tefillah, printed at the end of Siddur Da'as Kedoshim in the omissions from the aforementioned kuntres, that he received from the righteous gaon of Buczacz that even though a chosson whose chuppah day is on Rosh Chodesh does not fast, he nevertheless says the viduy at the Mincha tefillah, see there'.
And so is the opinion of our Rebbeim the Nesi'im, as the Rebbe's secretary, Rav Ch. M. A. Hodakov wrote in his diary11 that he asked the Rebbe Rayatz regarding his wedding, which was on the 5th of Adar 5699 on Erev Shabbos Kodesh after midday: 'Regarding the question whether to say "Al Cheit" on Friday at Mincha, he said that they must say it'.
And likewise in the diary "Rishumah Shel Shanah - 5744"12 it is related that on Sunday, the 30th of Adar I, the chosson who received the siddur from the Rebbe asked whether to say "Al Cheit" today (since today is Rosh Chodesh); after a few words about this, the Rebbe instructed him to say it'13.
> Thus in practice14, even on days on which Tachanun is not said, they should say viduy.
Footnotes:
1 אבהע"ז סי' סה דינים לבעל מסדר הקידושין אות יד, הובא בפת"ש אהע"ז סי' סא ס"ק ט ↩
2 סי תקע"ג ↩
3 דף י ↩
4 ונשאר שם בצ"ע ↩
5 מהדו"ת סי' לג ↩
6 שו"ת חאו"ח סי' רלט ב ↩
7 יומא כא, א ↩
8 או"ח סי' כז ↩
9 אהע"ז מהדו"ק סי' מט אות ג ↩
10 אהע"ז סי' עה אות י ↩
11 עטרת זקנים (תשורה) - כט סיון התשס"א ↩
12 ע' 162 ↩
13 באותו מעמד הי' חתן נוסף שלא התחתן באותו יום אלא שבועיים לאחר מכן בשושן פורים בארץ הקודש, והוא שאל האם בעת התפלה עם הסידור של הרבי יאמר וידוי, הרבי אמר לא שלא יאמר (וכנ"ל זה לא יום החתונה שלו), הנ"ל המשיך ושאל האם ביום חתונתו בשושן פורים באה"ק, יאמר וידוי, והרבי ענה לו שישאל רב באה"ק ↩
[19] (Halacha 1092)
Tzedakah
The study of this halacha is dedicated in merit of the chosson, the Tamim Shmuel, and the kallah, Mrs. Chaya Mushka שיחיו, on the occasion of their wedding today. And as explained in today's halacha, we would be grateful if the public of learners would give tzedakah today in their merit
It is written in the Zohar1: 'Rabbi Shimon opened and said: Whoever rejoices on the festivals and does not give the Holy One, blessed be He, His portion — that evil-eyed one, the Satan, hates him, accuses him and removes him from the world, and brings upon him trouble upon trouble. The portion of the Holy One, blessed be He, is to gladden the poor according to what one is able to do, because on these days the Holy One, blessed be He, comes to see those broken vessels of His; He comes upon them and sees that they have nothing with which to rejoice, and He weeps over them, and ascends on high to destroy the world. The members of the Heavenly Academy come before Him and say: Master of the world, You are called Merciful and Gracious; let Your mercy be stirred toward Your children. He says to them: Did I not make the world only upon chessed, as it is written "אמרתי עולם חסד יבנה" ("I said, the world shall be built with kindness"), and the world stands upon this. The supernal angels say before Him: Master of the world, here is so-and-so who eats and drinks and is able to do kindness with the poor, yet he gives them nothing. That accuser comes, requests permission, and pursues that person. Who do we have in the world greater than Avraham, who did kindness with all creatures? On the day he made a feast, what is written? "ויגדל הילד ויגמל ויעש אברהם משתה גדול ביום הגמל את יצחק" ("And the child grew and was weaned, and Avraham made a great feast on the day Yitzchok was weaned"). Avraham made a feast and invited all the great ones of the generation to that seudah. And we have learned: at every seudah of rejoicing, that accuser goes and looks — if that person first did kindness with the poor, and the poor are in the house, that accuser departs from that house and does not enter there, and if not, he enters there and sees the commotion of rejoicing without the poor and without kindness done first for the poor, and he ascends on high and accuses him'.
> It is explained in the words of the Zohar how important it is to also bring joy to the needy when a person holds a festive seudah.
And Mahari Abohab writes2: 'The days of the match are fitting for feasting and joy for the chosson and kallah and for the relatives, and they were not given to fill their bellies, but to give praise and thanksgiving to Hashem, may He be blessed, who brought them to the match, and to give gifts to the poor on them ..'.
And Rabbi Eliyahu HaKohen HaItamari3 writes: 'Just as the king opens his hand for tzedakah, so too the chosson'.
And in Yalkut Me'am Lo'ez4 he writes: 'And the sixth matter: the chosson should make an effort to distribute tzedakah on the day of his chuppah. And the reason for the matter is that one of the virtues of tzedakah is that in its merit the wife does not miscarry, and this is alluded to in the mizmor in Tehillim, "וצפונך תמלא בטנם ישבעו בנים" ("and with Your hidden treasure You fill their belly; they are sated with children"), and afterwards it says "אני בצדק אחזה פניך" ("I, through righteousness, shall behold Your face"). And likewise "פזר נתן לאביונים" ("he has distributed, he has given to the poor") — its initial letters spell נפל. Therefore it is fitting for the chosson to distribute tzedakah so that he will have lasting offspring'.
And the Shulchan HaEzer writes5: 'See the aforementioned Midrash Talpiyos, which writes: just as the king opens his hand for tzedakah, so too the chosson; see there. And if so, the obligation is upon the chosson to increase in tzedakah on this day especially. And simply understood, since tzedakah saves from death, it alludes that he will be saved from a woman who is worse than death. And it is already explained in the holy sefarim regarding the yahrzeit to give drink and baked goods, which is in the category of tzedakah for the tikkun of the departed's neshamah etc. If so, one may say that likewise here, in the category of tzedakah incumbent upon the chosson'.
The Rebbe mentioned and urged many times, especially in yechidus for chassanim and kallos, the matter of giving tzedakah by the chosson and kallah and in merit of the chosson and kallah. Below we will bring some of these words:
In a yechidus on the night of 15 Adar 57426: 'That you should give tzedakah (and add to it from your own money) on the day of the wedding, on the day of the chuppah (in the morning) — as is the Jewish minhag to add in tzedakah then. And this will add even more to the success of the preparations for the wedding, in the wedding itself, and also afterwards — length of days and good years, with joy and gladness of heart'.
And in a yechidus on the night of 15 Adar II 57447: 'In accordance with the Jewish minhag accepted in several places, how good it is that the chosson and kallah give tzedakah on the day of the chuppah in the morning, and at least before the chuppah, and likewise their parents and relatives should do so. And all these matters of tzedakah, since they are done in connection with the wedding, add even more to the brochos of Hashem in everything connected with the wedding, beginning with the preparations for the wedding, that they should be in accordance with the will of the Holy One, blessed be He, Who, being 'the essence of good', desires that all the brochos be drawn down 'from His full, open, holy and generous hand'. And likewise regarding the wedding itself, that it be at a good and auspicious hour, with joy and gladness of heart, and in a manner that grows ever brighter'.
In a yechidus of 15 Tammuz 57448: Based on what is known, that the mitzvah of tzedakah is a 'cup of salvations', since through it one merits the tzedakah of the Holy One, blessed be He, in all that is needed, to the point of completeness, from His full, open, holy and generous hand — and especially when one is about to establish an everlasting edifice, forever and ever, when one needs the drawing down of brochos in a manner of great abundance — it is right and fitting that the chosson and kallah give tzedakah from their own money on the day of their simcha, the wedding day, in the morning. And that their parents should do so as well, and all who desire their good and their brochos. And how good it would be to do this together with a good resolution to add in all matters of Yiddishkeit, especially in matters of Ahavas Yisroel and Achdus Yisroel, since the mitzvah of tzedakah is one of the actions in which Ahavas Yisroel and Achdus Yisroel are expressed; for tzedakah applies even in relation to a wealthy person, by offering him help and assistance with good advice and the like, and likewise when one influences him to add in matters of Yiddishkeit, with joy and gladness of heart. And all this will add a bracha of success for you and for all your family in all that is needed, and especially in everything connected with the wedding — the preparations for the wedding, the wedding itself at a good and auspicious hour, the seven days of feasting — for length of days and good years, together with sons and daughters occupied with Torah and mitzvos, to raise them to Torah, to the chuppah and to good deeds'.
And in a yechidus on the night of 13 Shevat 57469: The 'Jewish minhag' is known (which has spread, and continues to spread more and more) that on the day of their chuppah (in the morning, and in any case before the chuppah) the chosson and kallah add in giving tzedakah from their own money. And among the reasons for this: to emphasize that they are about to build their home on the true foundation — among all the foundations of Torah and mitzvah — the foundation of tzedakah, which is 'equal to all the mitzvos'; upon this true and firm foundation the 'edifice' will be built, 'an everlasting edifice', sons and daughters occupied with Torah and mitzvos, and with abundance in all matters, both materially and spiritually, and simply, a blessed home with children, life and ample sustenance, and with abundance in everything. And in several places the custom is that the relatives, too, and all those who bless the chosson and kallah, add in giving tzedakah from their own money in merit of the chosson and kallah. And all this adds even more to the brochos of the Holy One, blessed be He, Who, being 'infinite', His brochos too are in a manner of 'infinite'; consequently, the more one adds in giving tzedakah, another gift and another gift, the more the brochos of the Holy One, blessed be He, are added for the chosson and kallah in all that they need, and especially regarding the marriage itself, to be blessed with sons and daughters who will grow up and build homes in Yisroel, and so on, until the end of all generations'.
In a yechidus on Motzei 21 Kislev 575010: 'That all the weddings be at a good and auspicious hour, and that the chosson and kallah, their parents, the mechanchim and the shadchanim give tzedakah on the day of the chuppah or before the chuppah, with a special addition; and whoever adds is given more, and whoever increases is given increase'.
And in a yechidus of 28 Nissan 575011: 'Through fulfilling the Jewish minhag that has already spread and continues to spread etc., that on the day of the chuppah the chosson and kallah and all those close to them, beginning with the parents, and the parents' parents, the grandfathers and grandmothers, and all the members of the family — and it may be said that their mechanchim and mechanchos should conduct themselves likewise — add in tzedakah relative to their regular giving, as their pure heart moves them; through this there will be an addition of bracha, that the preparations for the wedding and likewise the wedding itself be at a good and auspicious hour ..'.
> Thus we have seen an important minhag that the chosson and kallah and their relatives, as well as the mechanchim and the shadchanim, and others, give tzedakah in merit of the chosson and kallah on the wedding day.
Notes:
1 Hakdamah 10b ↩
2 Menoras HaMaor, Ner 3, Klal 6, part 3, ch. 1 ↩
3 Midrash Talpiyos, os ches, anaf Chosson Kallah ↩
4 Devarim 22:13 ↩
5 Vol. 2, siman 6, din 8, note 5 ↩
6 Likkutei Sichos, vol. 19, p. 518 ↩
7 Toras Menachem, vol. 2, p. 1287 ↩
8 Toras Menachem, vol. 4, p. 2242 ↩
9 Toras Menachem, vol. 2, p. 488 ↩
10 Toras Menachem, vol. 2, p. 29 ↩
11 Toras Menachem, vol. 3, p. 113 ↩
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