Days on which marriages are not held
[1] (Halacha 1067)
Question: On which days is it forbidden to marry?
Answer: The Mishnah in Maseches Beitzah1 states regarding Yom Tov: 'And these are [forbidden] because of reshus .. and one may not betroth, and one may not perform chalitzah, and one may not perform yibbum'. And the Gemara asks: 'And one may not betroth — but he is performing a mitzvah! It is needed only where he has a wife and children .. And what is the reason for all of them? A decree lest he write'.
However, in the Yerushalmi2 Yoma ch. 1 end of halacha 1, a different reason is brought3: so that one should not be like one who makes an acquisition on Shabbos4.
The Rishonim disagreed about the words of the Bavli. Rashi wrote there: 'And one may not betroth — but he is performing a mitzvah — for he marries a woman to be fruitful and multiply, so why does it call it reshus?' That is, the Gemara's intent is only to ask why it is called reshus, but even if he does not have a wife and children, we do not find any permission to betroth.
However, Tosafos wrote in the name of Rabbeinu Tam that when he does not have a wife and children he may betroth on Shabbos. These are the words of Tosafos: 'But he is performing a mitzvah — the Kuntres explained .. implying that even if he does not have a wife and children it is nevertheless forbidden .. and Rabbeinu Tam explained: but he is performing a mitzvah, so why did they decree etc., and it answers: it is needed only where he has a wife and children, but if he does not have a wife and children it is permitted to betroth, since he is performing a mitzvah..'5.
However, in Sefer HaYashar6 Rabbeinu Tam placed a limitation on this permission: 'And to betroth a woman on Shabbos [for one] who has no children — I permitted it after the fact, and even l'chatchilah if there was a pressing need'.
And furthermore, it is written in the Hagahos Maimonios7: 'However, Rabbeinu Tam wrote in a teshuvah that it was out of great necessity that they permitted betrothing on Shabbos, and nevertheless he would not rule halacha l'maaseh, and see Tosafos in Perek Mashilin Peiros, until here'8.
> If so, Rashi and Rabbeinu Tam disagree whether a person who has no wife and children may betroth on Shabbos; and even according to Rabbeinu Tam this permission applies only where there is a need, and some wrote that he did not rule so in practice.
The Rif, the Rosh and the Rambam9 cited the words of the Mishnah and the prohibition of kiddushin, and did not mention any permission in a case where he has no wife and children; it appears from this that they learned like Rashi, that there is no permission at all to betroth on Shabbos.
The Smak10 wrote according to the view of those who permit betrothing on Shabbos (when he has no wife and children): 'However, it appears that to bring her in [to the chuppah] is forbidden, from that [passage] in the first chapter of Yoma'11.
> That is, according to the Smak, even Rabbeinu Tam, who permitted betrothing on Shabbos, did not permit the nisuin themselves.
However, the Darkei Moshe12 wrote: 'But this is not implied in the Smag, Hilchos Yom Tov13:
And l'halacha, the Mechaber wrote in Hilchos Shabbos14: 'And one may not betroth'. And in Even HaEzer15 he wrote: 'One may not bring a besulah to the chuppah on Shabbos, because through the chuppah he acquires her found objects and her handiwork, and he is thus like one who makes an acquisition on Shabbos. And a widow — the chuppah does not effect acquisition with her; rather, through yichud for the purpose of relations he acquires her found objects and her handiwork; therefore he must be secluded with her before Shabbos, so that he should not be like one who makes an acquisition on Shabbos'.
And the Rema16 wrote: 'And some permit betrothing where he has no wife and children. And it is possible that the same applies to bringing her to the chuppah, that it is permitted; and although we do not hold so, nevertheless we rely on this in a time of pressing need, also because human dignity is great; as is common that at times they could not come to agreement about the dowry on Friday until nightfall, and they perform the chuppah and kiddushin on Friday night, since they had already prepared for the seudah and the wedding, and it would be an embarrassment for the kallah and the chassan if he did not marry her then. Nevertheless, l'chatchilah one should be careful not to come to this'.
These are the words of the Alter Rebbe17: 'One may not betroth a woman, nor perform chalitzah, nor divorce — a decree lest he write .. And likewise one may not perform yibbum, nor bring a woman to the chuppah even if he betrothed her while it was still day, because through this he acquires her to inherit her, and it is forbidden to make an acquisition on Shabbos, since it is included in the decree on buying and selling, which they decreed lest he write, as explained in siman 306. And some permit betrothing and marrying for one who has no wife and children, because of the mitzvah of pru u'rvu, and although this is not the primary view, nevertheless we rely on it in a time of pressing need, because human dignity is great; as is common that at times they could not come to agreement about the dowry on Friday until nightfall, and they perform the chuppah and kiddushin on Friday night, since they had already prepared for the seudah and the wedding, and it would be an embarrassment for the kallah and the chassan if he did not marry her then. Nevertheless, l'chatchilah one must be careful not to come to this, and many transgressions come from delaying the chuppah, and every G-d-fearing person should be stringent for himself not to perform nisuin on Shabbos at all, as written in Even HaEzer siman 62'.
> If so, we have seen that kiddushin or nisuin are not performed on Shabbos. In the next halacha we will see regarding Yom Tov and Chol HaMoed.
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Notes:
1 36b ↩
2 Yoma ch. 1, end of halacha 1 ↩
3 Some wrote (see also Beis Meir siman 339) that the Yerushalmi is speaking with regard *to nisuin* (and therefore the Smak below wrote that nisuin is forbidden according to all opinions, and thereby reconciles the view of Rabbeinu Tam), and see also the words of the Alter Rebbe below; however, the Smag wrote that the Yerushalmi disagrees. As the Smag wrote, Lavin siman 75: 'And in this the Yerushalmi disagrees with our Talmud, for there it explains the reason that one may not betroth because of making an acquisition, namely because it is written (Yeshayahu 58:13) "ממצוא חפצך ודבר דבר" ("from pursuing your affairs and speaking of them"), while our Gemara explains: and what is the reason for all of them? A decree lest he write'. (And seemingly on this basis the Rema wrote — see below — that according to the Smag it can be said that nisuin — chuppah — is also permitted) ↩
4 Further on, the Yerushalmi brings regarding a widow that one may not marry her on Shabbos. And this is not the place to elaborate ↩
5 And see also the Smak, mitzvah 194: 'And "one may not betroth" — our Talmud establishes it as where he has a wife and children, which implies that if he does not, it is permitted to betroth' ↩
6 Chelek HaTeshuvos, siman 48:10 ↩
7 Hilchos Ishus ch. 10, halacha 14 [50] ↩
8 And see also Chiddushei HaRashba, Beitzah there ↩
9 The Rambam, Hilchos Shabbos ch. 23, halacha 14, wrote: 'One may not judge on Shabbos, nor perform chalitzah, nor perform yibbum, nor betroth — a decree lest he write'. And see also Hilchos Ishus ch. 10, halacha 14: 'And needless to say, it is forbidden to marry on Shabbos' ↩
10 Mitzvah 194 ↩
11 And see also the Kolbo siman 58: *'And it appears that to bring her in is forbidden'*. And see what the Beis Yosef and the Darkei Moshe (OC siman 339) wrote regarding the view of the Ran — who wrote (on the Rif, Beitzah 20a): 'Nevertheless, Rabbeinu Tam z"l wrote in a teshuvah that one may not betroth a woman on Shabbos except out of great necessity, and even if he betrothed her while it was still day, it is forbidden to bring her to the chuppah on Shabbos, since he acquires her to inherit her; and know that this is so, for we learned: one may not perform yibbum, even though there is nothing there but relations; and in the Yerushalmi they said: those who marry widows must marry [while it is still day]', and see what the Prishah wrote, siman 339, se'if katan 1, that the words of the Smak refer only to Yom Tov ↩
12 OC siman 339, os 2 ↩
13 However, it is not clear in the words of the Rema that he is referring to this issue, though in the Hagah below he also wrote so, and they cited the Smag ↩
14 Shulchan Aruch OC siman 339, se'if 4 ↩
15 Siman 64, se'if 5 ↩
16 OC there, in the Hagah; and see at length Teshuvos HaRema siman 125, an incident in which the Rema himself acted ↩
17 Shulchan Aruch OC siman 339, se'ifim 4 - 5 ↩
[ב] (Halacha 1068)
Question: What is the halacha regarding marriage on Yom Tov?
Answer: In the previous halacha we saw the words of the Mishnah regarding kiddushin on Yom Tov and the dispute of the Rishonim, and the halacha regarding kiddushin and nisuin on Shabbos. However, regarding Yom Tov there is an additional issue, which also pertains to the days of Chol HaMoed, as follows.
Regarding nisuin, the Mishnah in Maseches Moed Katan1 states: 'One may not marry women during the Moed, neither virgins nor widows, and one may not perform yibbum, because it is a rejoicing for him'. The Gemara asks: 'And if it is a rejoicing for him, what of it? Rav Yehudah said in the name of Shmuel, and so said Rabbi Elazar in the name of Rabbi Oshaya, and some say Rabbi Elazar said in the name of Rabbi Chanina: because one does not mix one rejoicing with another. Rabbah bar [Rav] Huna said: because he sets aside the rejoicing of the festival and occupies himself with the rejoicing of his wife. Abaye said to Rav Yosef: this statement of Rabbah bar [Rav] Huna is that of Rav, for Rav Daniel bar Ketina said in the name of Rav: From where do we know that one may not marry women during the Moed? For it is stated "ושמחת בחגך" ("And you shall rejoice in your festival") — in your festival, and not in your wife. Ulla said: because of the exertion. Rabbi Yitzchak Nafcha said: because of the neglect of pru u'rvu'.
But regarding erusin, it is stated in the Tosefta2: 'One may not betroth women during the Moed; Rabbi Yehudah permits, lest another precede him'.
And likewise in the Gemara3: 'Shmuel said: it is permitted to betroth a woman on Chol HaMoed, lest another precede him .. Shall we say this supports him: one may not marry women during the Moed, neither virgins nor widows, and one may not perform yibbum, because it is a rejoicing for him. But to betroth is permitted! — It speaks in the manner of "it is not necessary": it is not necessary to state that betrothing, through which he does not perform a mitzvah [is forbidden], but even marrying, through which he does perform a mitzvah, is forbidden. Come and hear, for the school of Shmuel taught: one may betroth but not marry, and one may not make an erusin seudah, nor perform yibbum, because it is a rejoicing for him. Conclude from this'.
And the Rambam wrote4: 'One may not marry women nor perform yibbum during the Moed, so that the rejoicing of the festival not be forgotten in the rejoicing of the marriage; but he may remarry his divorcee, and one may betroth women during the Moed, provided that he does not make an erusin seudah nor a nisuin seudah, so as not to mix another rejoicing with the rejoicing of the festival'5.
> If so, we have seen that regarding Yom Tov (in addition to what was discussed in the previous halacha regarding Shabbos and Yom Tov) there is a prohibition of nisuin6 on Yom Tov, including the days of Chol HaMoed; however, it is permitted to perform erusin on Chol HaMoed7.
[And it should be noted that in the previous halacha we saw the words of the Smak8, who wrote: 'However, it appears that to bring her in [to the chuppah] is forbidden, from that [passage] in the first chapter of Yoma', and the Prishah wrote9: 'For the Smak too forbade marrying only because one does not mix one rejoicing with another, and for this reason the Kolbo also wrote it only in Hilchos Yom Tov, see there .. since they wrote it only regarding Yom Tov, it fits well that the Rema is referring to Shabbos, and there the reason that one does not mix one rejoicing with another does not apply; and this is easily understood'].
L'halacha regarding Yom Tov, the Mechaber wrote10: 'And one may not betroth, nor marry'.
And so wrote the Alter Rebbe11: 'Just as on Shabbos .. one may not betroth nor bring [a bride] to the chuppah .. so too one may not do any of these on Yom Tov; see simanim 339 and 306'.
And regarding Chol HaMoed, the Mechaber wrote12: 'One may not marry women during the Moed, neither virgins nor widows, and one may not perform yibbum; and it is permitted to betroth, provided that the groom does not make an erusin seudah in the house of his betrothed at the time of the erusin; and it is permitted to hold dancing and circle dances, and for the groom to make a seudah with his friends not in the house of his betrothed; and likewise for the groom to dine in the house of his betrothed not at the time of the erusin is permitted'.
> If so, we have seen that on Yom Tov one may not perform erusin or nisuin, and on Chol HaMoed it is permitted to perform erusin, but not nisuin.
Notes:
1 8b ↩
2 Moed Katan 8b ↩
3 There, 18b ↩
4 Hilchos Yom Tov ch. 7, halacha 16 ↩
5 And see also the Rambam, Hilchos Ishus ch. 10, halacha 14: 'And even on Chol HaMoed one may not marry women, as we explained, because one does not mix one rejoicing with another, as it is stated "מלא שבוע זאת ונתנה לך גם את זאת" ("Complete the week of this one, and we will give you that one as well")' ↩
6 The poskim disagree whether the prohibition also applies to nisuin without a seudah — see the commentators on the Shulchan Aruch siman 546, se'if 1, that it depends on the reasons in the Gemara mentioned above ↩
7 But the erusin seudah is forbidden; however, since this is not common, this is not the place to elaborate ↩
8 Mitzvah 194 ↩
9 OC siman 339, se'if katan 1. But see the previous halacha, that they understood the words of the Smak as applying to Shabbos as well ↩
10 Shulchan Aruch OC siman 524, se'if 1 ↩
11 There, se'if 1 ↩
12 Shulchan Aruch OC siman 546, se'if 1 ↩
[ג] (Halacha 1069)
Sefiras HaOmer
Question: What is the source of the minhag not to hold weddings between Pesach and Shavuos1?
The Gemara in Maseches Yevamos2 states: 'They said: Rabbi Akiva had twelve thousand pairs of students, from Gevas to Antipatris, and they all died in one period because they did not treat one another with respect, and the world was desolate, until Rabbi Akiva came to our Rabbis in the South and taught it to them: Rabbi Meir, Rabbi Yehudah, Rabbi Yosi, Rabbi Shimon and Rabbi Elazar ben Shamua, and it was they who upheld the Torah at that time. It was taught: they all died from Pesach until Atzeres'.
This Gemara relates the calamity that occurred during the period from Pesach until Atzeres, but it does not bring minhogim of mourning or a prohibition of weddings because of this; however, already from the days of the Geonim we find that this was practiced3, as follows:
Rabbeinu Natronai Gaon wrote4: 'And as for what you asked, why one does not betroth and does not marry between Pesach and Atzeres, whether because of a prohibition or not — know that it is not because of a prohibition, but because of a minhag of mourning. For so the Sages said: Rabbi Akiva had twelve thousand pairs of students, and they all died between Pesach and Atzeres because they did not treat one another [with respect], and it was taught regarding this that they all died an unusual death, by askara. And from that time on, the early ones were accustomed during these days not to marry in them. And one who hastened and married, we do not penalize him with any punishment or lashes; but if he comes to ask l'chatchilah, we do not instruct him to marry. And regarding kiddushin, one who wishes to betroth between Pesach and Atzeres may betroth, since the main rejoicing is only at the chuppah'.
And the Ritz Gias wrote5: 'And it is the minhag throughout Israel not to marry between Pesach and Atzeres, and it is because of mourning and not because of a prohibition. For so the Sages said: Rabbi Akiva had twelve thousand pairs of students, and they all died between Pesach and Atzeres because they did not treat one another with respect, and they all died by askara; and from that time on they were accustomed to mourn for them by not marrying a woman during these days. And this is specifically nisuin, for the main rejoicing is in the chuppah and the bringing in, but not so for erusin and kiddushin. And regarding nisuin too, one who hastened and married is not punished, but if he comes to ask l'chatchilah, we instruct him not to do so and not to contravene the minhag of Israel, and so ruled the Geonim'.
And Rabbeinu Yerucham wrote6: 'Regarding betrothing and marrying between Pesach and Atzeres, Rav Hai z"l wrote in a teshuvah that one may betroth, for there is no rejoicing except at the chuppah and the seudah; but if he comes to ask whether he may marry, we tell him: do not do so, because of the students of Rabbi Akiva, who all died by askara between Pesach and Atzeres because they did not treat one another with respect. And if he transgressed and married, we do not give him lashes nor penalize him with any penalty'.
[Additional Rishonim mentioned the minhag, and we will see some of them in the next halacha, in the discussion regarding the period during which it is customary not to hold weddings].
The Tur wrote7: 'It is customary in all places not to marry a woman between Pesach and Atzeres, and the reason is so as not to increase rejoicing, since at that time the students of Rabbi Akiva died. And the Ri Gias wrote: specifically nisuin, which is the main rejoicing, but to perform erusin and kiddushin is perfectly fine; and regarding nisuin too, one who hastened and married is not punished, but if he comes to do so at the outset, we do not instruct him to do so; and so ruled the Geonim'.
And l'halacha, the Mechaber wrote8: 'It is customary not to marry a woman between Pesach and Atzeres, until Lag BaOmer, because at that time the students of Rabbi Akiva died; but to perform erusin and kiddushin is perfectly fine; and regarding nisuin too, one who hastened and married is not punished'.
And the Shtei Yados wrote9: 'As for what they are accustomed not to marry women until Lag BaOmer — when there is a cause and reason, we are not concerned about the minhag, for example one who has not fulfilled the mitzvah of pru u'rvu, or who has no one to attend to him, and the like, provided that he does not increase rejoicing, since the reason for the minhag is because of the rejoicing; for this minhag is no more stringent than the mourning of thirty days, and this is clear'.
However, the Bach10 wrote: 'It appears to me that there is no distinction between nisuin that are a mitzvah, such as where he has no wife and children, and nisuin that are not a mitzvah, for in an ancient mourning such as this, which is only a minhag, they did not distinguish between them, and so is the practice'.
The Knesses HaGedolah11 also cited the words of the Shtei Yados above, and concluded: 'And we do not practice so'.
These are the words of the Alter Rebbe12: 'It is customary not to marry a woman and not to take a haircut between Pesach and Atzeres, for we mourn the twenty-four thousand students of Rabbi Akiva who died during these days. But it is permitted to make shidduchin without nisuin, lest another precede him. And it is also permitted to make a seudah after the shidduchin or after the kiddushin, but they should not hold dancing and circle dances. And needless to say, they should not hold optional dancing and circle dances. But it is permitted to make an optional seudah, such as a gathering of friends, without dancing and circle dances and excessive festivities. One who hastened and married during these days is not penalized at all, since he performed a mitzvah. But one who took a haircut during these days is penalized for having transgressed the minhag. One who has not yet fulfilled the mitzvah of pru u'rvu, or who has no one to attend to him — since he is permitted to marry even within the thirty days of mourning for his father or mother, for whom he is obligated to mourn by rabbinic decree, all the more so is he permitted to marry during the mourning of these days, which is merely a minhag. Nevertheless, in these countries the practice is to be stringent'.
> If so, we have seen that there is an ancient minhag not to hold weddings between Pesach and Atzeres. [But shidduchin or kiddushin are permitted]. And in the next halacha we will see the various opinions and minhogim as to when it is customary not to marry.
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Notes:
1 In this halacha we will discuss only the minhag itself, and in the following halachos we will see the details of the minhag and on which days the minhag applies ↩
2 62b ↩
3 And see the article by Rabbi Gedalia Oberlander, Ohr Yisroel issue 39, on the reasons for the minhag and its spread ↩
4 Teshuvos HaGeonim - Shaarei Teshuvah siman 278 ↩
5 Hilchos Chadash and Sefiras HaOmer, p. 344 ↩
6 Nesiv 22, part 2 ↩
7 OC siman 493 ↩
8 Shulchan Aruch OC there, se'if 1 ↩
9 51b. And the Pri Chadash, OC siman 493, se'if 1, wrote in accordance with his words regarding one who has not fulfilled pru u'rvu ↩
10 Beginning of siman 493. Also cited in the Chok Yaakov, se'if katan 1 ↩
11 Hagahos HaTur, OC siman 493 ↩
12 There, se'ifim 1-3 ↩
[ד] (Halacha 1070)
Sefiras HaOmer (2)
Question: When is the period during which it is customary not to marry within this time between Pesach and Atzeres?
Answer: In the previous halacha we saw the words of the Gemara in Yevamos1 62b: 'It was taught: they all died from Pesach until Atzeres'2. The plain meaning of the wording is that they died throughout this entire period [though some noted that they died throughout the time between Pesach and Shavuos, but not on Pesach, Shabbosos and Rosh Chodesh, which comes to a total of thirty-three days3]. On this basis the Geonim wrote that the minhogim of mourning are from Pesach until Atzeres, and so wrote several of the Rishonim.
[The Maharal4 wrote a novel explanation: 'Therefore they died specifically from Pesach until Atzeres, and they died because they did not give kavod [respect], [which is this number], namely thirty-two days, and on Lag BaOmer they ceased. Although it says that they died from Pesach until Atzeres, nevertheless the decree ceased on Lag BaOmer, so that no more fell ill; only those who had fallen ill before Lag BaOmer died after Lag BaOmer'].
In practice, however, we find several approaches among the Rishonim as to on which days they died and when the laws of mourning are observed: A) Some wrote that they died from Pesach until Lag BaOmer, and from Lag BaOmer it is permitted to hold weddings. [And within this view, some practice leniency from the night of Lag BaOmer, and some permitted only from Lag BaOmer during the day]. B) Some permitted holding weddings only from the 34th day of the Omer. C) Some wrote that they died only on the days on which Tachanun is said, which comes to thirty-two days, and the entire day of Lag BaOmer is already a day of rejoicing. D) [Some wrote that in total thirty-three days of mourning must be marked, and on this basis] some observed the minhogim of mourning from Rosh Chodesh Iyar until Shavuos. [And on this basis some of the Acharonim ruled E) to observe mourning from before Rosh Chodesh until the three days of hagbalah.] F) Some wrote that the mourning is from Rosh Chodesh Iyar until Lag BaOmer. G) Some were accustomed that there is no mourning on the days of Rosh Chodesh, since it is like Yom Tov, but the poskim rejected this minhag, as follows:
A)5 Rabbeinu Avraham min HaHar wrote6: 'And in the Midrash: from Pesach until Lag BaOmer, and because of this they were accustomed not to marry women from Pesach until Lag BaOmer'.
And so wrote the Manhig7: 'And it is not the minhag to marry between Pesach and Atzeres .. but it is the minhag in France and Provence to marry from [Lag] BaOmer onward. And I heard in the name of our teacher Rabbi Zerachiah of Girona that he found written in an old sefer brought from Spain that they died from Pesach until pros haAtzeres; and what is pros? Half, as we learned: one asks about the halachos of Pesach thirty days before Pesach, and half [of that] is fifteen days before Atzeres, and that is Lag BaOmer. Avan'.
And the Meiri8 wrote: 'And regarding these students, it is mentioned here that they all died from Pesach until Atzeres, and the Geonim have a tradition that on Lag BaOmer the dying ceased .. and accordingly they are accustomed not to marry a woman from Pesach until that time'9.
B) It is written in the Derashos of the Ri Ibn Shuaib10: 'I heard that there is in the Midrash: until pras haAtzeres, which is fifteen days [before] Atzeres, as they say pras haPesach, pras heChag, which are fifteen days in Nissan and in Tishrei; and when you subtract fifteen days from forty-nine days, thirty-four remain; thus there are thirty-three complete days, and one shaves on the morning of the thirty-fourth day, since part of the day is like the whole of it. And it is a mitzvah to count the days and a mitzvah to count the weeks'.
And the Tashbetz11 wrote: 'And know that the minhag is to forbid only until Lag BaOmer, and one may wonder why. But Rabbi Zerachiah HaLevi z"l wrote that he found written in an old Spanish sefer that they died from Pesach until pras haAtzeres. What is pras? Half. What is pras? No less than sixteen days .. and that is Lag BaOmer, since from Lag BaOmer until Atzeres is sixteen days, and part of the 34th day of the Omer is like the whole of it, as with all the laws of mourning, as stated in Perek V'eilu Megalchin12; fifteen days remain, which are pras Atzeres, that is, half of the thirty days during which one asks and expounds the halachos of Atzeres. And according to this, it appears that the entire day of Lag BaOmer is forbidden, and part of the 34th day, since part of the day is like the whole of it; and according to the Ramban z"l part of the night suffices, as he wrote in Sefer Toras HaAdam .. and the reason it says Lag BaOmer and not the 34th is because the 34th day is not complete'.
C) In the Maharil13 it is written: 'Mahari Segal said: Although it is stated in the Gemara that the students of Rabbi Akiva died from Pesach until Atzeres, nevertheless Lag BaOmer is made a day of rejoicing, because they died only on the days on which Tachanun is said during the seven weeks of the Omer, and on any day on which Tachanun is not said they did not die. Now, subtract from the forty-nine days of the Sefirah the seven days of the Yom Tov, and the three days on which Rosh Chodesh falls — two for Iyar and one for Sivan — and the seven Shabbosos, and thirty-two remain. It turns out that they died only on thirty-two days; therefore, when those thirty-two days on which they died are completed, on the following day rejoicing is made as a remembrance'.
D) In the Pardes of Rashi14 it is written: 'And one does not marry women between Pesach and Atzeres, for they are days prone to misfortune, since a plague befell the students of Rabbi Akiva. But I have seen that they marry after Pesach until Rosh Chodesh Iyar, but after Rosh Chodesh they begin not to marry'.
And in the Shibbolei HaLeket15 he wrote: 'And there are places where they are accustomed to marry until Rosh Chodesh Iyar, but after Rosh Chodesh they begin not to marry'.
E) The Magen Avraham16: 'But in this country they are accustomed to marry and take haircuts during the three days of hagbalah; therefore it appears to me that they should not marry or take haircuts on Rosh Chodesh Iyar, and on the first of the days of hagbalah we say that part of the day is like the whole of it, and so is implied in the Maharil, see there'.
F) In the Minhogim of Rabbeinu Avraham Hildik17 it is written: 'And they are not accustomed to hold celebrations or weddings from Rosh Chodesh Iyar until Lag BaOmer, for on Lag BaOmer the plague that was among the students of Rabbi Akiva was halted, and they made that day a Yom Tov'.
G) The Beis Yosef wrote18: 'And some are accustomed to take haircuts on Rosh Chodesh Iyar, because Rosh Chodesh is like Yom Tov and one should not practice on it anything that is due to mourning. And it appears to me that since most of the world did not practice so, they are mistaken; and perhaps they derived this from what the Rin Shuaib wrote in the name of Tosafos, that what is stated, Lag BaOmer, is not as people practice, but rather thirty-three days, when you subtract the seven days of Pesach and seven Shabbosos and two days of Rosh Chodesh, which are sixteen days on which mourning is not observed, thirty-three of the forty-nine days remain; until here his words. And because they saw there that on the two days of Rosh Chodesh mourning is not observed, they practiced leniency on them. But this is certainly an error, for they said that on the two days of Rosh Chodesh mourning is not observed only for those who practice the prohibition of haircuts until Atzeres, since without the two days of Rosh Chodesh one finds thirty-three days; but for us, who practice the prohibition only until Lag BaOmer, it is forbidden to take a haircut during all thirty-three days, even on Rosh Chodesh'.
> If so, we have seen the various minhogim that the poskim mentioned, and in the next halacha we will see the words of the Mechaber and the poskim.
Notes:
1 62b ↩
2 However, in the Gemara the wording is that they died *from Pesach until Atzeres*, while in the Midrash the wording is *between Pesach and Atzeres*, as the Pri Chadash wrote, OC siman 493, se'if 1: 'At the end of Midrash [Rabbah] Koheles [ch. 11, os 10] it is stated that they died between Pesach and Atzeres, and with this wording we can say that on Lag BaOmer they ceased dying; but the wording of our Talmud implies that their dying continued until Atzeres' ↩
3 See below in the words of the Ri Ibn Shuaib, and in the words of the Maharil ↩
4 In Chiddushei Aggados ↩
5 However, some of these sources could be explained as meaning "until, but not including"; but it seems more correct to explain that they mean to permit on Lag BaOmer itself as well ↩
6 Yevamos there ↩
7 Hilchos Erusin V'Nisuin, p. 538 ↩
8 Yevamos there ↩
9 And see also Kaftor VaFerach ch. 7, and Abudraham, Bein Pesach L'Atzeres ↩
10 The first day of Pesach ↩
11 Shu"t, part 1, siman 178 ↩
12 20b ↩
13 Dinei HaYamim She'bein Pesach L'Shavuos [7] ↩
14 Hilchos Aveilim ↩
15 Seder Pesach siman 235. And similarly he wrote in Maaseh HaGeonim siman 59 ↩
16 Siman 493, se'if katan 5 ↩
17 Kovetz Al Yad, new series, vol. 9, p. 196 ↩
18 OC siman 493 ↩
[5] (Halacha 1071)
Sefiras HaOmer (3)
In the previous halacha we saw the views of the Rishonim regarding the period of mourning during Sefiras HaOmer.
Question: How was the halacha ruled in practice?
Answer: The Mechaber writes1: 'It is customary not to marry a woman between Pesach and Atzeres until Lag BaOmer, because at that time the students of Rabbi Akiva died; but to become betrothed and to perform kiddushin is perfectly fine, and as for marriage too, one who went ahead and married is not punished'.
And the Rema writes in his gloss: 'However, from Lag BaOmer onward everything is permitted'.
The Mechaber further writes2: 'It is customary not to take a haircut until Lag BaOmer, for they say that it was then that they stopped dying, and one should not take a haircut until the morning of the thirty-fourth day, unless the thirty-third day falls on Erev Shabbos, in which case one takes a haircut on it in honor of Shabbos'.
And the Rema writes in his gloss: 'In these lands they do not follow his view; rather, they take haircuts on the thirty-third day, increase somewhat in rejoicing on it, and do not say Tachanun on it. And one should not take a haircut until the thirty-third day itself, and not from the night before. However, if it falls on Sunday, the custom is to take a haircut on Friday in honor of Shabbos'.
The Mechaber further writes3: 'Some have the custom to take haircuts on Rosh Chodesh Iyar, and they are in error'.
And the Rema writes in his gloss: 'However, in many places the custom is to take haircuts until Rosh Chodesh Iyar, and those should not take haircuts from Lag BaOmer onward, even though it is permitted to take a haircut on Lag BaOmer itself. And those places whose custom is to take haircuts from Lag BaOmer onward should not take haircuts at all after Pesach until Lag BaOmer. And in one city they should not follow partly this minhag and partly that minhag, because of "לא תתגודדו" ("do not form factions"), and all the more so one should not follow the leniency of both'.
> Thus the Mechaber cited the minhag that the prohibition of mourning lasts until the thirty-fourth day of the Omer, and the Rema cited the minhag that the days of mourning are from Rosh Chodesh Iyar until Atzeres.
The Taz4 writes that there is an additional reason to be stringent regarding marriage even when there is no mourning for the students of Rabbi Akiva, and these are his words: 'It can be said that certainly the main view is that after Lag BaOmer they did not die, and nevertheless some mourning is observed because of the decree of the year 4856, which took place in Ashkenaz between Pesach and Atzeres, as is explicit in the Yotzros and piyutim that we recite on those Shabbosos, which were composed as kinos. So it appears to my humble opinion to be the reason for our minhag not to marry after Lag BaOmer; but taking a haircut is certainly permitted after Lag BaOmer, for because of this decree they were stringent only regarding the extra joy of marriage. This is not so before Lag BaOmer, when the students of Rabbi Akiva died and the whole world is obligated to mourn for them; there they were more stringent, even regarding haircuts'.
The Alter Rebbe5 cited the various minhogim at length, and concluded6: 'If he is in doubt regarding the minhag of the place, he may not adopt the leniencies of the minhogim, that is, to act permissively until Rosh Chodesh Iyar like the latter view and also to act permissively from Lag BaOmer onward until Erev Atzeres like the first view, since these two leniencies contradict one another. But he may adopt the stringencies of the minhogim, that is, to act prohibitively from Pesach until Erev Shavuos, or until the first of the days of hagbalah, except for Lag BaOmer; and even though he follows two stringencies that contradict one another, he is not like the fool who walks in darkness, since he did so because of the doubt he had as to which minhag is primary. Nevertheless, he does not need to do so; rather, he may adopt whichever minhag he wishes, and we are not concerned that perhaps the minhag of this place is otherwise, since mourning is merely a minhag, and one need not be stringent in a case of doubt'.
In practice, generally speaking, Sephardim follow the words of the Mechaber and permit marriages only from the thirty-fourth day of the Omer. And Ashkenazim permit on Lag BaOmer (and in the next halacha we will see the details of the laws regarding the thirty-third day itself), and regarding the rest of the days of the Sefirah, different minhogim exist even today: some permit until Rosh Chodesh Iyar, and some permit from Rosh Chodesh Sivan, as the Mishnah Berurah writes7: 'Now in our country the minhag is to marry and to take haircuts during the three days of hagbalah; therefore the Magen Avraham concludes that one must be careful not to marry or take haircuts on the two days of Chodesh Iyar, and also on the first of the days of hagbalah, specifically in the morning, for we say that part of the day is like the whole of it, and thereby the thirty-three days for which we observe mourning are completed. And the Chayei Adam writes that this is also the minhag in the holy community of Vilna, where the prohibition is observed from the first day of Rosh Chodesh Iyar until the morning of the third of Sivan, except that on Lag BaOmer they act permissively; and there are places8 where the custom is to be lenient only on Rosh Chodesh Iyar, on Lag BaOmer, and from Rosh Chodesh Sivan until Shavuos'.
Thus we have seen that in principle, according to most minhogim, there are thirty-three days on which the mourning is observed, except that there are different minhogim as to when it is customary to observe them; and the Alter Rebbe cited that one may be stringent from Pesach until Shavuos, or until the three days of hagbalah.
> In practice, the minhag of many (and this appears to be the minhag in Chabad9) is to take all the minhogim into account and to observe the minhogim of mourning throughout all the days of Sefiras HaOmer10 (except for Lag BaOmer); however, as we saw in halacha number 481 regarding the Rebbe's words on the importance of not postponing a wedding, in the later years the Rebbe approved holding weddings also during the three days of hagbalah11.
--------------
Notes:
1 Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim, siman 493, se'if 1 ↩
2 There, se'if 2 ↩
3 There, se'if 3 ↩
4 There, se'if katan 2 ↩
5 There, se'ifim 5–6 ↩
6 Se'if 7 ↩
7 There, se'if katan 15 ↩
8 However, he remarked on this in the Sha'ar HaTziyun, se'if katan 13: 'So it is implied from the Derech HaChaim, although I do not know clearly from where he found this minhag of being lenient on the second day of the month of Sivan'. And see Igros Moshe, Orach Chaim, vol. 1, siman 159 (and vol. 2, siman 45) ↩
9 See the Rebbe's letter printed in Shulchan Menachem, vol. 6, pp. 155–156 ↩
10 In addition to the words of the Taz cited above, we saw in the previous halacha that some emphasized that there must be thirty-three days of mourning, and we also saw that some say they died only on the days on which Tachanun is said, and that they died until Atzeres; thus (especially according to our minhag of saying Shehecheyanu on Shabbos) there is reason to observe the customs of mourning until Erev Shavuos ↩
11 See Shiurei Halacha LeMaaseh (Levin), Orach Chaim, end of siman 65. Hiskashrus, issue 1081, p. 15. [And similarly, in the year 5751 a chassan (R.D.G.) wrote to the Rebbe several dates for the wedding before and after the festival of Shavuos, and the Rebbe chose the date of the 3rd of Sivan] ↩
[6] (Halacha 1072)
Sefiras HaOmer (4)
Question: May one get married on Lag BaOmer?
Answer: In the previous halacha we saw the differing minhogim written by the Mechaber and the Rema: the Mechaber wrote that the minhag is to permit marrying from the thirty-fourth day of the Omer, and the Rema wrote that the custom is to permit marrying on Lag BaOmer (but they are stringent from the thirty-fourth day onward).
And the Alter Rebbe writes1: 'The thirty-three days — some say that they begin from the first day of Sefiras HaOmer and end on Lag BaOmer, for on that day the last of the twenty-four thousand died; therefore it is customary to increase somewhat in rejoicing on this day, and Tachanun is not said on it, because on that very day they stopped dying. And even though some of them died on this day, nevertheless regarding mourning, on the last day we say that part of the day is like the whole of it, as is written in Yoreh De'ah, siman 395. Therefore, when one observes mourning for one hour or less on the thirty-third day, that is, he refrains from taking a haircut until after daybreak on the thirty-third, that suffices, and he is permitted to take a haircut on the thirty-third after a bit of the day has passed, and to marry a woman on it, and likewise from the thirty-third onward .. Nevertheless, even on the thirty-third itself he should be careful not to take a haircut before daybreak, since we say only that part of the day is like the whole of it, but the night, even all of it, is not like the whole day, and the mourning has not ceased until the next day, in the daytime; therefore Tachanun is said in the Minchah tefillah of Erev the thirty-third. And there are places whose custom is not to say Tachanun at Minchah of Erev the thirty-third, because they rely on the view that at the beginning of the night of the thirty-third the mourning ceased, and therefore Tachanun is not said at the Minchah before it, just as it is not said at the Minchah before the other days on which Tachanun is not said, since their night is like their day; and according to their minhag it is also permitted to take a haircut and to marry on the night of the thirty-third (for according to their words mourning is observed for only thirty-two days)'.
And in the Siddur the Alter Rebbe writes: 'The Sephardic minhag is that on every day on which there is no Tachanun and nefilas apayim, neither Lamenatzeach Ya'ancha nor Tefillah LeDovid is said. That is, even the entire month of Nissan .. and Lag BaOmer .. and Erev Lag BaOmer'.
The Rebbe wrote2: 'Now, among Anash it is not customary to set a wedding during the days of the Sefirah, not even on Lag BaOmer or on Rosh Chodesh Iyar [of course, unless there is a great necessity]'.
And in another letter the Rebbe wrote3: 'Regarding the idea of arranging the wedding on Thursday, the night before Friday, Lag BaOmer. Now in general it is better, if possible, for the wedding to be on Isru Chag of the festival of Shavuos or on the days after it, through the first half of the month of Sivan. And if for some reason he specifically wants Lag BaOmer, then because of the differences of opinion that exist in this matter, as explained in the Acharonim, it should be held on Friday, but not on the night preceding Friday'.
> From these letters it appears that lechatchilah one should not set a wedding for Lag BaOmer, and in a case of great necessity it should be on Lag BaOmer during the day, and not on the night of Lag BaOmer.
The Rebbe, in the sicha of the night of Lag BaOmer 57374, said [in free translation]: 'Regarding Lag BaOmer there are several views as to whether it begins from the morning or from the preceding night, as is cited in the poskim and also by the Alter Rebbe in the Shulchan Aruch, with reasons and arguments for both opinions. The practical difference of this is regarding saying Tachanun at the Minchah before it: if it begins from the night, then Tachanun is not said also at the Minchah before it, just as Tzidkascha Tzedek is not said at Minchah of Shabbos on Erev Rosh Chodesh and the like; whereas if it begins only from the morning, it has no connection to the Minchah before it, as on Pesach Sheni, when Tachanun is said at the Minchah before it. Therefore, even though in the Shulchan Aruch the Alter Rebbe did not clearly decide between the two opinions, since in the Siddur he wrote that Tachanun is not said at Minchah of Erev Lag BaOmer, it is understood from this that ultimately he decided, and in a manner accessible to everyone, that the matter of Lag BaOmer begins from the night, with all the "shturem". And in this there is another special point relating to the special calendar configuration of this year, which has several matters connected with pilpul and special halachos .. When Lag BaOmer falls on Erev Shabbos, there are several changes regarding weddings held on Lag BaOmer, since for the most part weddings are held in the middle of the day or toward evening (not on the night before), and as a result there are several changes regarding the seudos etc., as explained in the poskim'.
Some Chabad rabbonim wrote5 that from this sicha it is understood that the Rebbe retracted what he wrote in the above letters, since according to the Alter Rebbe in the Siddur Lag BaOmer already begins from the night, and therefore one may also marry from the night of Lag BaOmer.
However, it can be said that there is no proof from the above sicha6; on the contrary7 — it is possible that the Rebbe's intent is that the words of the Alter Rebbe in the Siddur are not a decision regarding the dispute cited in the Shulchan Aruch concerning the passing of the students of Rabbi Akiva, but rather a general decision on the very matter that the joy of Lag BaOmer begins from the night [and possibly this is because of the hilula of Rashbi]; that is, the joy of Lag BaOmer begins from the night, and this bears on not saying Tachanun, but this still does not teach about all the other detailed laws of Lag BaOmer. And as is also explained in the sicha of Lag BaOmer 57448, that there are distinctions in this: 'This farbrengen is connected with Lag BaOmer, which begins at Minchah of Erev Lag BaOmer, as the Alter Rebbe writes in his Siddur regarding saying Tachanun: "The Sephardic minhag is that on every day on which Tachanun is not said, Lamenatzeach Ya'ancha etc. is not said", and he goes on to enumerate all the days on which Tachanun is not said, including Lag BaOmer, and Erev Lag BaOmer at Minchah .. From this it is understood that the matter of Lag BaOmer already begins from the time of the Minchah tefillah on the preceding day (after midday), which is why Tachanun is not said then. And even though there are distinctions in level between Erev Lag BaOmer at the time of Minchah, the night of Lag BaOmer, and the day of Lag BaOmer — as we find in halacha that there are matters that do not apply even on the night of Lag BaOmer, but only on its day (and all the more so not on Erev Lag BaOmer) — nevertheless, already at Minchah of Erev Lag BaOmer the matters connected with Lag BaOmer begin, and simply put: the reason Tachanun is not said then is because of the joy of Rashbi (Lag BaOmer)'.
Some Chabad rabbonim permitted it on the basis of the sicha of the night of Lag BaOmer 57499, in which the Rebbe mentioned that he was shortening the sichos because of preparations for a wedding, and they wrote that the Rebbe was speaking about weddings that took place there on the night of Lag BaOmer10.
> In practice, some Chabad rabbonim permit holding a wedding on the night of Lag BaOmer11, and some permit it only on the thirty-third day itself. [And seemingly, in light of what we saw of the Rebbe's words about the importance of moving up the time of the wedding (thus, when there is no possibility of a wedding on the day of the thirty-third, and refraining from the wedding on the night of Lag BaOmer would delay the wedding for a long time), they should ask a rav whether there is room to permit holding it on the night of the thirty-third. (And especially when it concerns the marriage of one who has not yet fulfilled pru u'rvu, as we saw in halacha number 1068 that there is a basis to be lenient in this)].
Notes:
1 Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim, siman 493, se'ifim 5–7 ↩
2 Shulchan Menachem, vol. 6, pp. 155–156 ↩
3 Igros Kodesh, vol. 8, p. 318 ↩
4 Sichos Kodesh 5737, p. 703 ↩
5 See Shiurei Halacha LeMaaseh, Orach Chaim, siman 65, pp. 365–366. Shulchan Aruch im Dover Shalom, Pesach, vol. 6, p. 124, note 42 ↩
6 And see also Birur Minhagim (Friedman), p. 63 ff. Siddur of the Alter Rebbe (Raskin), vol. 1, p. 398, and in Iyunei HaSiddur, note 1065 ↩
7 In addition, the Rebbe mentions there further on that because of the calendar configuration of Lag BaOmer on Erev Shabbos, this creates halachic discussions regarding a wedding, which for the most part is held on the day of Lag BaOmer or toward evening and not on the night before; yet according to their understanding, the conclusion of the sicha is that lechatchilah one may hold the wedding on the night of Lag BaOmer, and if so there is no need to enter into all the above discussion. (And likewise, this itself could have been the practical difference of the sicha, and nevertheless the Rebbe mentioned only not saying Tachanun) ↩
8 Toras Menachem, vol. 3, p. 1713 ↩
9 Toras Menachem, vol. 3, p. 178 ↩
10 However, some wrote (see Asif Minhagim VeHanhagos (Wahba), ch. 20, note 85, and Siddur Raskin there) that it refers to weddings that took place the next day; this requires further study and clarification ↩
11 And see what Rabbi Levin wrote there, discussing whether the main concern is that the chuppah or the seudah be at night ↩
[7] (Halacha 1073)
Sefiras HaOmer (5)
In the previous halachos we saw that there are different minhogim among the Jewish people regarding the days on which it is customary not to hold weddings, on account of mourning.
Question: May a person whose community's minhag is not to hold weddings on these days participate [or may a rav officiate at the chuppah] in a wedding held in a community that permits it on these days, with musical instruments, dancing and circle dances?
Answer: The Chasam Sofer writes1: 'My eyes have seen the wording of the proclamation that was proclaimed here in the name of the Gaon, our teacher Rabbi Meshulam zt"l, and there it is stated: Since it has become the custom here to hold weddings on Rosh Chodesh Iyar and on Lag BaOmer, and also to hold weddings during the three days of hagbalah, and this should not be done, since it constitutes two contradictory practices, therefore from now on it shall be a fixed statute to prohibit weddings during the three days of hagbalah. And what appears from these words is that he objected only to their being accustomed to marry in a single year at both times, which constitutes two practices contradicting one another at one time, as is understood; for in a large community such as here, may Hashem bless them, every single year there will be two weddings at the two times, as your honor knows to truly be the case. But perhaps in a small place, where weddings are few and far between, and if a wedding happens on Rosh Chodesh Iyar one will not happen during the days of hagbalah — as the bearer of this letter told me that for several years there were no weddings in his town on those days — then there are not two contradictory practices at one time here, and perhaps it is not such a concern .. But here, the one who marries a woman during the three days of hagbalah did not contradict himself, since he never married a woman on Rosh Chodesh Iyar; it is only because of "לא תתגודדו" ("do not form factions"), that the instructors are divided etc., and this does not apply, since now here there is no one who ruled so, and they do not contradict at all, and there is no change because of dispute; so it seemed to me at first glance. But according to this, the one who officiates the kiddushin, or one of the participants of the chuppah, should not be one of those who were at another chuppah this year on Rosh Chodesh Iyar or Lag BaOmer, even in another town, since this would be two practices contradicting one another. All this I wrote according to what his honor, may his light shine, wrote, that he based his doubt on the prohibition of the Gaon, our teacher Rabbi Meshulam zt"l, and there he mentioned only that they contradict one another regarding weddings, as above'.
And the Igros Moshe writes2: 'Now the Chasam Sofer there at first wrote: But according to this, the one who officiates the kiddushin, or one of the participants of the chuppah, should not be one of those who were at another chuppah this year in a manner that constitutes two contradictory practices, even not in another town; see there. And this is puzzling, for certainly the one who officiates the kiddushin and all the guests may attend a chuppah following the minhag of the Mechaber and a chuppah following the minhag of the Rema, since the prohibition is not on the guests who rejoice in the wedding; for wedding seudos are held during all seven days when one married on Rosh Chodesh Iyar or on Lag BaOmer, even though they fall during the days of the Sefirah. Granted, for the chassan and kallah one cannot prohibit, since it is their Yom Tov and there is an obligation of rejoicing; but as for the others, for whom it is not their Yom Tov and who have no obligation of rejoicing, how may they rejoice at the wedding seudos during the days of the Sefirah? Rather, it must be that the prohibition applies only to the chassan and kallah alone, and when they are permitted, there is automatically no prohibition at all on the one who officiates the kiddushin and the guests. And it is implied that even when one transgressed and married, the guests may rejoice with him, for it is stated in the Shulchan Aruch, se'if 1, that if one went ahead and married he is not punished, and if it were forbidden to go to the seudos and to gladden him, there could be no greater punishment than this. Consequently, since in this town it was permitted to hold the chuppah on Rosh Chodesh Iyar because for the chassan and kallah there are no two contradictory practices, and in the other town it was permitted to hold it during the days of hagbalah because there too there are no two contradictory practices, there is no basis to forbid the one who officiates the kiddushin and the guests from being at both chuppos. Therefore it must be said that the Chasam Sofer too did not say this as a final halachic conclusion .. and it emerges that he too, in his conclusion, permits the same officiant of the kiddushin and the same guests to be at both chuppos. And it emerges that in New York and the like, where it is permitted to hold weddings even in a manner that constitutes two contradictory practices, since they are like two towns, where there is no need to be stringent even according to the Gaon Rabbi Meshulam, the same officiant of the kiddushin and the same guests may also be at both'.
And he repeated his words3: 'And regarding dancing and listening to musical instruments, there is no prohibition at all, since they are part of the rejoicing of the wedding; for also when a wedding is held on Lag BaOmer or on Erev Rosh Chodesh Iyar, rejoicing is held throughout the seven days of feasting, also with dancing and musical instruments, and everyone is permitted to be there and to rejoice in their joy; and so it is in this case too: since the chassan was permitted to marry, along with all matters of rejoicing, including dancing and musical instruments, everyone is permitted to be there and to rejoice in their joy'.
And so wrote the Yabia Omer4: 'And as for the reason he wrote, that in communal mourning there is concern on account of the invited guests, for whom there is no necessity at all — that is not relevant, for since it was permitted to hold the wedding because of necessity, that he has no one to look after him or that he has not fulfilled pru u'rvu, the guests who come to gladden the chassan and kallah are performing a mitzvah, and "ברוב עם הדרת מלך" ("In the multitude of people is the King's glory") .. And see the Rema in his gloss (siman 551, se'if 10), that even though it is customary not to eat meat and drink wine from Rosh Chodesh Av, at a seudas mitzvah such as a betrothal seudah or a bris milah, all those belonging to the feast eat meat and drink wine .. and at a chassan's seudah as well, since they are invited and go in innocence, for it is a mitzvah to gladden the chassan and kallah, and there is no rejoicing without eating and drinking'.
The Shvus Yaakov5 writes: 'Regarding a widower who wished to marry during Bein HaMetzarim, who had not yet fulfilled the mitzvah of pru u'rvu, whether we permit him or not .. And apart from this reason, it seems to me to distinguish in another way: specifically in individual mourning we are lenient for him, because he has not fulfilled the mitzvah of pru u'rvu or has no one to look after him — we are lenient for him alone; which is not so on these days, which are communal mourning: even though it is fitting to be lenient for him, nevertheless through the wedding the other guests and invitees too will come to be lenient; therefore we are not so lenient for the public against the minhag, since for them there is no necessity at all, and I recall that once a certain chacham was lenient regarding a wedding during the days of the Sefirah against the minhag, and their match did not turn out well; therefore it seems to me that one who guards his soul should keep far from weddings on such days, even though there may be many grounds to be lenient, for danger is more severe than prohibition, and not to abolish the minhag publicly'.
And some learned from his words to be stringent6, as written in the Minchas Yitzchak7 in response to a question regarding a Sephardic young man who wanted to marry an Ashkenazic young woman on Lag BaOmer — for Ashkenazim it is permitted only on Lag BaOmer itself and not afterward, and for Sephardim only from the thirty-fourth day of the Omer onward — and the questioner proposed that they hold the chuppah on Lag BaOmer toward evening and the seudah at night: 'However, all this will not help for the relatives and other guests invited to the celebration from among the Ashkenazim, for whom the permission of the wife does not apply, she being drawn after him; and this is also one of the reasons for which the Shvus Yaakov was concerned, to be stringent regarding weddings after Lag BaOmer, even if he has not fulfilled pru u'rvu and has no one to look after him, as above .. Likewise regarding the minhogim of each and every community: each individual in his home is drawn after his own community, and it is forbidden to hold a wedding there not in accordance with the minhag of his community .. And on account of mourning — even though regarding himself it can be said that it is permitted in such a case, since it is no worse than individual mourning, nevertheless there is no permission for the relatives and other invitees to participate in the celebration, as above. However, if only the chuppah will be on the day of Lag BaOmer, then as far as his own rejoicing is concerned, it was permitted because of the mitzvah, as above; and regarding the relatives and invitees, it can be said that at the chuppah alone — if one does not enter the house where the festivities of the chassan and kallah take place, but only under the chuppah — there is no prohibition, even in other mourning; see the Teshuvos Riva (siman 20). And at the seudah held at night, if we say that part of the night suffices, as above (but this is not clear, as mentioned), then again there is no prohibition for them either; and on account of "it is not a good omen" there is no concern, if we say as above'.
> In practice, it appears that at a wedding held with permission according to the minhag of the chassan, a rav whose minhag is not to marry at this time may also officiate the kiddushin, and the invited guests will be permitted to participate and to gladden the chassan and kallah8.
Notes:
1 Shu"t, Orach Chaim, siman 142 ↩
2 Shu"t, Orach Chaim, vol. 1, siman 159 ↩
3 Orach Chaim, vol. 2, siman 95 ↩
4 Shu"t, vol. 5, Orach Chaim, siman 38; and so he wrote in Chazon Ovadia, Bein HaMetzarim, p. 153 ↩
5 Shu"t, vol. 2, siman 35 ↩
6 And see MiBeis HaLevi, booklet 3, Nissan 5753, p. 38. Shu"t Shraga HaMeir, vol. 6, siman 91, se'if 3, os 3 ↩
7 Shu"t, vol. 4, siman 84 ↩
8 And so ruled Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (Halichos Shlomo, Moadim, Laws of Sefiras HaOmer, ch. 11, se'if 9, and in Shulchan Shlomo, vol. 1, siman 271, note 19). And see also Ashrei HaIsh, vol. 3, p. 457 ↩
[8] (Halacha 1075)
The Three Weeks and the Nine Days
Question: May one get married during the Three Weeks?
Answer: The Gemara in Maseches Yevamos1 says: 'We learned: In the week in which Tishah B'Av falls, it is forbidden to cut hair and to launder, but on Thursday it is permitted, in honor of Shabbos. And it was taught: Before this time, the people reduce their business dealings, buying and selling, building and planting, and they betroth but do not marry, and they do not make a betrothal seudah, — that baraisa was taught regarding the period before the period. [And Rashi explains: 'Before the period — before the week in which Tishah B'Av falls, for then it is permitted to launder; but within that week, just as it is forbidden to launder, it is also forbidden to betroth, and there is no kal vachomer']'.
Thus according to this baraisa it is permitted to betroth from Rosh Chodesh, but it is forbidden to make a betrothal seudah. [And further on, the Gemara2 cites a baraisa indicating that this may be a dispute of Tannaim: 'It is a dispute of Tannaim, as it was taught: From Rosh Chodesh until the fast, the people reduce their business dealings, buying and selling, building and planting, and betrothing and marrying; in the week in which Tishah B'Av falls, it is forbidden to cut hair and to launder (and it is forbidden to betroth); and some say: the entire month is forbidden'. This implies that betrothal too is forbidden from Rosh Chodesh, except that Rav Ashi explains that perhaps the intent is not to prohibit the betrothal itself but only the betrothal seudah, whereas marriage is forbidden even without a seudah. ['Perhaps it is making a betrothal seudah that is forbidden, but betrothing itself is perfectly fine? If so, "marrying" too — it is making a wedding seudah that is forbidden, but marrying itself is perfectly fine? How can you compare? Granted, marriage without a seudah still involves rejoicing; but is there rejoicing in betrothal without a seudah?'.]
And in the Talmud Yerushalmi3 it is stated: 'Shmuel said: Even on Tishah B'Av one may betroth, lest another precede him'.
And the Rambam writes4: 'It is permitted to betroth on any weekday, even on Tishah B'Av, whether by day or by night'.
Now, although the Gemara and the Rishonim speak of the Nine Days, Rabbeinu Meir HaMe'ili of Narbonne5 writes: 'And so too it may be said: regarding what they have become accustomed, not to cut hair and not to marry a woman from the seventeenth of Tammuz until Tishah B'Av, it is not proper to treat it lightly'.
This minhag is also cited in Sefer HaMinhagim (Tyrnau)6: 'And they do not cut hair from the seventeenth of Tammuz until after the ninth of Av. And some do not eat meat [and do not] drink wine [from the seventeenth of Tammuz] until Shabbos Nachamu. And they do not marry'.
As for the halacha, the Mechaber writes7: 'And they do not marry and do not make a betrothal seudah, but betrothing without a seudah is permitted, and even on the ninth of Av itself it is permitted to betroth, lest another precede him'.
And the Rema writes in his gloss: 'And the custom is to be stringent not to marry from the seventeenth of Tammuz onward, until after the ninth of Av'.
> Thus the Mechaber ruled according to the basic law of the Gemara, that the prohibition of marriage is only from Rosh Chodesh Av, and the Rema wrote that the minhag is to be stringent already from the seventeenth of Tammuz.
However, we find that this minhag also spread in several Sephardic communities8, as written in Shu"t Pri HaAdamah9 regarding the minhag of Izmir.
And so wrote the Ben Ish Chai10: 'Even though by law marriage is forbidden only from Rosh Chodesh until Tishah B'Av, nevertheless they have become accustomed to forbid it from the seventeenth of Tammuz'.
But the Yabia Omer11 writes: 'And as for what the Ben Ish Chai wrote, that they were accustomed to forbid holding weddings from the seventeenth of Tammuz, I heard from the great rav Rabbi Salman Chugi Abudi [z"l], who was Av Beis Din in Baghdad, that Rabbi Yosef Chaim was not precise in this, and that the widespread minhag was to hold weddings until Rosh Chodesh Av. End quote'.
And so wrote the Or LeTzion12: 'Sephardim are permitted to marry until Rosh Chodesh Av'. And he wrote in a note: 'Indeed, there are Sephardic communities that followed the view of the Rema not to marry from the seventeenth of Tammuz .. However, the minhag of Eretz Yisroel is to marry until Rosh Chodesh Av, as the Rav Pri HaAdamah wrote in vol. 4, folio 8, and so is the minhag of Sephardim today. And it appears that in our times one should not be stringent on account of "it is not a good omen", as Rabbi Chaim Palagi wrote in Sefer Moed LeChol Chai, siman 9, os 26, and other Acharonim; and even bnei Torah should not postpone the wedding for this reason, since in our generation there is a concern of mishap in this, and they may come to severe sins, and this involves rescuing from sin. (And it would almost be possible to rule to marry even on Tishah B'Av if there is a concern that they will stumble into a prohibition'.
Question: May one make a l'chaim for a shidduch during the Nine Days?
Answer: Some have the custom not to make shidduchin on these days, as the Shiyarei Knesses HaGedolah13 writes on the words of the Rema above: 'And the custom is to be stringent not to marry a woman from the seventeenth of Tammuz onward until Tishah B'Av. Sefer HaMapah. And our minhag is not to betroth and not to make shidduchin'14.
However, the Magen Avraham15 [cited by the Mishnah Berurah16] writes: 'Lest another precede him. And for this reason it is permitted to make shidduchin. Nevertheless, it seems to me that it is forbidden to make a seudah, even without dancing and circle dances; and it is not comparable to the seudah of a bris milah, which involves no rejoicing at all, which is not so here. And it seems to me that it is forbidden to make it even on Shabbos, for in the Gemara it is taught that from Rosh Chodesh until the fast it is forbidden, and it is impossible that there is no Shabbos among those days. However, the custom of eating sweet preserves at the time of writing the tena'im is not called a seudah; and it seems to me that it is forbidden to hold dancing and circle dances from the seventeenth of Tammuz onward'.
> Thus we have seen that a shidduch with saying l'chaim is permitted even during the Nine Days, but without a seudah and excessive rejoicing. And by law it is permitted to betroth even on Tishah B'Av, and marriage is forbidden from Rosh Chodesh; but the Ashkenazic minhag [and so did some Sephardic communities practice] is not to hold weddings from the seventeenth of Tammuz. [And in the next halacha we will see whether this applies also to one who has not fulfilled pru u'rvu].
--------------
Notes:
1 43a ↩
2 There, amud b ↩
3 Taanis, ch. 1, halacha 8, and ch. 4, halacha 6 ↩
4 Hilchos Ishus, ch. 10, halacha 14 ↩
5 Sefer HaMeoros, Taanis, folio 310 ↩
6 The month of Tammuz ↩
7 Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim, siman 551, se'if 2 ↩
8 And see also Moed LeChol Chai, siman 9, os 26. Sdei Chemed, vol. 4, Asifas Dinim, Bein HaMetzarim, siman 1, os 14 ↩
9 Vol. 4, 8b ↩
10 Year 1, Parshas Devarim, se'if 4 ↩
11 Shu"t, vol. 6, Orach Chaim, siman 43 ↩
12 Shu"t, vol. 3, ch. 25 – Laws of Bein HaMetzarim, os 1 ↩
13 Hagahos HaTur, Orach Chaim, siman 551, os 5 ↩
14 And see also the Ben Ish Chai there, but see what is written in the Yabia Omer there ↩
15 Siman 551, se'if katan 10 ↩
16 There, se'if katan 16 ↩
[9] (Halacha 1076)
The Three Weeks and the Nine Days
We saw in the previous halacha that it is forbidden to hold weddings from Rosh Chodesh Av, and many have the custom not to marry already from the seventeenth of Tammuz.
Question: Do this prohibition and minhag apply also to one who has not yet fulfilled the mitzvah of pru u'rvu, for whom marriage is a great mitzvah?
Answer: Regarding fasts for rain, it is stated in the Gemara in Maseches Taanis1: 'We learned: If these passed and they were not answered, they reduce business dealings, building and planting, and betrothals and weddings'.
And the Rambam writes2: 'If these passed and they were not answered, they reduce business dealings, and building for joy, such as decorative painting and plastering, and planting for joy, such as varieties of myrtle and varieties of aloes, and they reduce betrothals and weddings, unless one has not fulfilled the mitzvah of pru u'rvu'.
The Ran3 writes: 'And Rabbeinu Hai Gaon wrote: Since building, planting, betrothals and weddings are equated with business dealings — just as business dealings that are optional are forbidden, and that is of joy, so too building and planting, betrothals and weddings that are optional are forbidden when they are of joy; but one who has no wedding house at all and has no wife and children — this is certainly of a mitzvah, and even though it is joyous, it is permitted'.
And so wrote the Meiri4: 'The Geonim of Sefarad wrote that even these were forbidden only when they have no aspect of mitzvah; but if he had no wedding house and wishes to marry a woman, he is permitted to build himself a wedding house, and likewise betrothals and weddings are permitted for one who has no wife or children'.
The Beis Yosef5 cited the Ran and wrote: 'And even though it speaks of the case where public fasts passed and they were not answered, it seemingly implies that the same applies from Rosh Chodesh until Tishah B'Av, since these two periods are alike. And the reason it is not customary to marry at all, even one who has no wife and children, is because it is not a good omen for them. And even though it would be possible that Rav Hai said this only regarding when public fasts passed and they were not answered, but that from Rosh Chodesh until Tishah B'Av is more severe, and even though he has no wife and children it is forbidden — either because in this period its mourning is more severe, or because it is a short period, unlike when public fasts passed and they were not answered, which is a very long period — nevertheless Tosafos in the first chapter of Megillah6 wrote regarding when public fasts passed that they are more severe than Tishah B'Av, on which one may betroth'.
As for the halacha, the Mechaber writes7: 'From Rosh Chodesh until the fast, they reduce business dealings and building for joy, such as a wedding house for his son, or a building with decorative painting and plastering, and planting for joy, such as a royal avurneki planted for shade, to shelter in its shade, or varieties of myrtle and varieties of aloes; and if his wall was leaning and about to fall, even though it is of joy, it is permitted to build'.
And the Rema writes in his gloss: 'And for the purpose of a mitzvah, everything is permitted'.
Afterward the Mechaber writes: 'And they do not marry and do not make a betrothal seudah, but betrothing without a seudah is permitted, and even on the ninth of Av itself it is permitted to betroth, lest another precede him'.
And the Rema writes in his gloss: 'And the custom is to be stringent not to marry from the seventeenth of Tammuz onward, until after the ninth of Av'.
> Thus in the Shulchan Aruch the Mechaber did not mention the permission of marriage for the purpose of a mitzvah, and the Rema mentioned the permission for the purpose of a mitzvah but wrote it before the part dealing with marriage, and concluded that the custom is to be stringent; and the commentators disagreed regarding their words, as follows:
The Bach8 [cited by his student, the Ateres Zekeinim9] writes: 'And what is stated in Perek HaCholetz, "before the before" — that is, from Rosh Chodesh, before the week in which [Tishah B'Av] falls — that one may betroth but does not make a betrothal seudah, as our Rabbeinu wrote at the beginning of this siman, and so ruled the Shulchan Aruch in se'if 2: this applies only where there is no mitzvah, such as when he has a wife and children; but for the purpose of a mitzvah it is permitted even in the week in which Tishah B'Av falls, as the Ran wrote. However, nowadays the custom is to prohibit, even if he has no wife and children'.
And the Olas Shabbos10 writes that the Mechaber was stringent and the Rema disagreed with him: 'And what he wrote, "and for the purpose of a mitzvah" etc. — one must necessarily explain that this is when he has not yet fulfilled pru u'rvu; and so wrote the Rambam in ch. 3 regarding a fast for rain, and these are his words: "They reduce betrothals and weddings unless he has not fulfilled pru u'rvu" etc.; and so is implied from the words of the Ran. And the reason the Rav did not write in the language of dispute on the words of the Mechaber, who ruled stringently without qualification, is because nowadays they are stringent even if he has not yet fulfilled pru u'rvu, and so concludes the Bach; see there'.
And so wrote the Kaf HaChaim11 regarding the view of the Mechaber: 'And if he has not fulfilled pru u'rvu, by law it is permitted to hold a wedding, since it is a mitzvah; except that the custom is that even so they do not marry, since it is not a good omen. Chayei Adam, klal 133, os 11. And this is according to what is written in the gloss, that for the purpose of a mitzvah everything is permitted; but it is possible that the Shulchan Aruch does not hold so, since he did not copy this into the Shulchan Aruch, and so is implied from the words of the Olas Shabbos, os 1; and so wrote the Shulchan Gavoah, os 9, on the words of the above-mentioned gloss, that from the unqualified words of the poskim this is not implied; rather, anything that involves rejoicing, even if it is for the purpose of a mitzvah, is forbidden, and so is reasonable; see there'.
> Thus according to their words, the Mechaber did not permit weddings during the Nine Days even for a chassan who has not fulfilled pru u'rvu, but the Rema permitted it by law, and noted that in practice the minhag is to prohibit, already from the seventeenth of Tammuz.
But on the other hand, the Aruch HaShulchan12 inferred the opposite, that the Rema too did not permit weddings for the purpose of a mitzvah: 'And our Rabbeinu the Rema wrote that for the purpose of a mitzvah everything is permitted, end of quote .. But from the words of our Rabbeinu the Rema, who wrote this only regarding work and not regarding weddings, we learn that weddings are forbidden in every case before Tishah B'Av; but possibly the reason is that it is not a good sign, and indeed even from the seventeenth of Tammuz they do not marry. And according to this, it is well understood that some prepare the garments of the chassan and kallah during these days; and likewise, if it is necessary to marry during these days, one may permit it according to this; but in the week in which Tishah B'Av falls it is certainly forbidden'.
And some wrote that the Mechaber too permits, as written in the Yabia Omer13: 'And as for what the Shulchan Gavoah wrote (siman 551, se'if katan 9) on the words of the Ran above, that from the unqualified words of the poskim this is not implied, but rather all rejoicing is forbidden, and the House of our G-d is worthy that we forgo for its sake nine days of building, planting and betrothing — and the Kaf HaChaim relied on him, and wrote that this is the view of Maran the Shulchan Aruch, who omitted the words of the Ran .. that the reason Maran the Shulchan Aruch, in siman 551, did not cite the distinction between whether one has fulfilled pru u'rvu or not, is that he relied on what he wrote in the Beis Yosef, that it is not a good omen for them to marry during these days, that is, because the days of Av are days of calamity for all the Jewish people and a national disaster for the entire nation. But in truth, by the basic law he holds that it is permitted, like the view of the Gaon, the Ran and the Meiri; and so wrote the Rema in the gloss, that for the purpose of a mitzvah everything is permitted, and this includes weddings, as written in the Chayei Adam; and only because it is not a good omen have they become accustomed to refrain from weddings from Rosh Chodesh Av onward, when rejoicing is reduced'.
And the Mishnah Berurah writes14: 'And the custom is to be stringent not to marry etc. — that is, even one who has not fulfilled pru u'rvu'15.
> Thus we have seen that the poskim disagreed whether a person who has not fulfilled the mitzvah of pru u'rvu is permitted to marry during the Nine Days, and that in practice the minhag is not to marry.
Notes:
1 12b ↩
2 Hilchos Taaniyos, ch. 3, halacha 8 ↩
3 Taanis 5b in the pages of the Rif ↩
4 Taanis 14b ↩
5 Orach Chaim, siman 551 ↩
6 5b, s.v. Mema'atin ↩
7 Orach Chaim, siman 551, se'if 2 ↩
8 Orach Chaim, there ↩
9 There, se'if katan 3 ↩
10 There, se'if katan 1 ↩
11 There, se'if katan 33 ↩
12 There, se'if 7 ↩
13 Vol. 6, Orach Chaim, siman 43 ↩
14 There, se'if katan 18 ↩
15 And he wrote in the Sha'ar HaTziyun, se'if katan 25: 'Derech HaChaim; and from the Shulchan Aruch there is no proof for his ruling, and perhaps he found it somewhere' ↩
[10] (Halacha 1077)
Friday
Question: Is there a problem with getting married on Friday?
Answer: The Gemara in Maseches Kesubos1 says regarding weddings on Motzaei Shabbos and Erev Shabbos: 'The master said: In either case, he should not consummate the marriage neither on Erev Shabbos nor on Motzaei Shabbos .. Rather, Rabbi Zeira said: It is a decree lest he slaughter a young bird [on Shabbos for the needs of Motzaei Shabbos, since he will be preoccupied and forget that it is Shabbos. Rashi'] .. Now that you have arrived at this, Erev Shabbos too — a decree lest he slaughter a young bird'.
And in the Yerushalmi, Taanis2, it is written: 'Rabbi Ba bar Kohen said before Rabbi Yasa: Rabbi Acha in the name of Rabbi Yaakov bar Idi: It is forbidden to betroth a woman on Erev Shabbos. This which you say refers to not making a betrothal seudah; but to betroth — he may betroth'.
And the Rishonim disagreed whether the above Gemara, which is concerned about desecration of Shabbos — 'lest he slaughter a young bird' — is the practical halacha. For the Rambam3 writes: 'Women are not married either on Erev Shabbos or on Sunday, as a decree lest one come to desecrate Shabbos in preparing the seudah, for the chassan is preoccupied with his seudah'4.
That is, according to the Rambam this is the practical halacha; however, the Rif5 writes: 'They inquired: May one consummate the marriage lechatchilah on Shabbos? And the conclusion and the halacha is that it is permitted to consummate lechatchilah'.
And the Ran explained: 'The halacha is that it is permitted to consummate initially on Shabbos, for there is no concern either of an opening or of a wound, for the reasons stated in the Gemara. And from this we learn that we do not hold like what was said in the Gemara on the baraisa which teaches "in either case he should not consummate, neither on Erev Shabbos nor on Motzaei Shabbos", giving the reason lest he slaughter a young bird — that is, that out of his preoccupation he will forget that it is Shabbos and slaughter it; since we conclude that it is permitted to consummate, evidently we are not concerned about the young bird. And this is the view of the Rif z"l, who did not mention the concern of the young bird in the Halachos at all; and therefore they became accustomed to make seudos on Shabbos nights and on Motzaei Shabbos. And it is possible to reject this and say that when it is permitted to consummate initially on Shabbos, that is where he had already married her beforehand; for it is at the time of entering the chuppah that we are concerned about the young bird, since then they make a seudah. And this is the view of the Rambam z"l, who wrote in ch. 10 of Hilchos Ishus: But women are not married either on Erev Shabbos or on Sunday, as a decree lest one come to desecrate Shabbos in preparing the seudah, end quote. And this is the opposite of our minhag, for we are accustomed to marry on Friday; and the Ramban z"l wrote that the custom of marrying on Friday is a minhag of ignorance, except that they did not protest against them6; and so wrote the Rav Rabbi Yosef HaLevi z"l, end quote'.
The Riaz7 writes: 'Even when circumstances beyond his control occurred, he should not marry on Erev Shabbos from Minchah time onward, since he needs to eat the wedding seudah on Shabbos night. And likewise he should not marry on Motzaei Shabbos, lest he see some deficiency in his seudah and slaughter birds and the like on Shabbos; and all the more so he should not marry on Shabbos itself, as explained in the Kuntres HaRe'ayos, proof 5. But if he wishes to marry on Erev Shabbos at the beginning of the day, with the intention of eating the wedding seudah on that same day, it is permitted'.
And the Mordechai8 writes: 'However, nowadays we marry on Friday, as we say further on: In a place where batei din are established every day, a woman is married on any day; and even though they do not judge on Erev Shabbos, nevertheless they became accustomed to marry on Erev Shabbos, since we do not have established batei din; therefore one should seat three and they judge before them. And furthermore, they became accustomed to this for the benefit of the poor. And in Perek Na'arah we read: Alternatively, he delivered her on Erev Shabbos and Erev Yom Tov; and not like Maimon at the end of the tenth chapter of Ishus'.
And so ruled the Rosh9: 'And it concludes: and the halacha is that it is permitted to consummate on Shabbos, and we are not concerned lest he slaughter a young bird; and on this we rely to make the seudah both on Shabbos and on Motzaei Shabbos'.
As for the halacha, the Mechaber writes10: 'Some say that women are not married either on Erev Shabbos or on Sunday, as a decree lest one come to desecrate Shabbos in preparing the seudah. And some permit. And so the minhag has spread to marry women on Erev Shabbos11, provided that he exerts himself over the wedding seudah for three days before the wedding'.
And the Aruch HaShulchan12 writes: 'And nowadays they are not accustomed to be particular in this either; and it seems to me that the reason is: it is indeed true that Chazal said that the Sages were diligent for the benefit of Jewish daughters, that he should exert himself over the seudah for three days; but all this was in their times, when the chassan made the seudah. But nowadays our minhag is that the kallah makes the seudah, and we are not concerned about desecration of Shabbos; for it is specifically regarding the chassan that we are concerned, that he will want to satisfy the kallah by increasing the portions, since women are particular about this; but since the kallah makes the seudah, we are not concerned about desecration of Shabbos, for the chassan is not particular about this. And so it is evident from the wording of the Rambam, who concludes that the chassan is preoccupied with the seudah — that is, since the chassan is preoccupied with the seudah to prepare it, we are concerned about desecration of Shabbos; and according to this, our minhag is proper even according to the view of the Rambam. Nevertheless, our eyes see that in the winter days it is very proper not to hold a chuppah on Erev Shabbos, for the days are short and they delay the chuppah; but we do not have the power to protest'.
And indeed it was an accepted minhag to hold weddings on Fridays13 [and therefore we find various halachos written by the poskim regarding chuppos held on Friday, in relation to the seudah14, the candle lighting of the participating women15, proper yichud before Shabbos16, and the musical instruments that were played on Shabbos night17]. And in the community of Cracow, where the Rema served as rav, a wedding was planned for Friday, but in practice, because of a dispute over the dowry, the chuppah was delayed and was held in the evening after Shabbos had begun [and the Rema wrote at length in a responsum18 to explain his conduct]; and the Aruch HaShulchan19 writes: 'And with our Rabbeinu the Rema himself such an incident occurred in Cracow, when he was Av Beis Din there, with an orphan girl, which dragged on until about two hours into the night, and he himself arranged the kiddushin and the chuppah, as he wrote in the responsum; and the whole country criticized him, and he wrote at length there to explain that great is human dignity, and the distress of the chassan and kallah. And we have heard that because of this incident they made an enactment in Cracow not to hold any chuppah on Erev Shabbos; and it is a fine enactment, for several mishaps result from this, and they come to desecration of Shabbos, especially in the winter days when the days are short. And in every place where it is possible to institute this, their reward from Heaven is great; and at any rate, even when it is impossible to institute this, there is an obligation upon all who fear G-d to see to it that the chuppah is held as early as possible'.
And note the words of the Rebbe20 on Shabbos Parshas Teitzei, 14 Elul 5748: 'See Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer, siman 64, se'if 3: "The minhag has spread to marry women on Erev Shabbos"; and note that several weddings among the Nesi'im of Chabad were on Friday (Sefer HaSichos 5703, p. 153)'.
> Thus in practice it was a widespread minhag among the Jewish people to marry also on Friday, and so too we find among our Rebbeim, our Nesi'im; however, at a wedding held on Friday one must take care that it not lead to desecration of Shabbos21.
Notes:
1 4b – 5a ↩
2 Ch. 1, halacha 8 ↩
3 Hilchos Ishus, ch. 10, halacha 14 ↩
4 See the Hagahos Maimoniyos on the Rambam there, os 40. And the Aruch HaShulchan, Even HaEzer, siman 62, se'if 11, writes: 'And in the Yerushalmi at the beginning of Kesubos it is explained that women are not married either on Erev Shabbos or on Motzaei Shabbos because of the honor of Shabbos; see there. And this is the source of the Rambam, and I am surprised that they did not cite this; this requires great study' ↩
5 Kesubos 2a ↩
6 And the Maggid Mishneh on the Rambam there writes: 'And now in our places they are accustomed to marry a woman on Friday, and I do not know on what they relied in this; and certainly the claim of the Sages is borne out in them, that they come to desecration of Shabbos, whether through a shvus by themselves or through melacha by a non-Jew' ↩
7 In the Piskei, Kesubos, ch. 1, halacha 1, os 9 ↩
8 Kesubos, remez 129. And see the Hagahos Maimoniyos on the Rambam there, os 40, in the name of the Ra'avyah. Bartenura, Kesubos, ch. 1, mishnah 1 ↩
9 Kesubos, ch. 1, siman 10 ↩
10 Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer, siman 64, se'if 3 ↩
11 And see also Toras HaShelamim, siman 192, se'if katan 4 ↩
12 Cited above in note 4 ↩
13 See the sources cited in Kuntres Shabbos Breilaft, in the introduction, note 2. And see the Magen Avraham, Orach Chaim, siman 546, se'if katan 4: *'And in our countries they are accustomed to marry on Erev Shabbos close to nightfall'* ↩
14 See the words of the Alter Rebbe, siman 249, se'if 6 ↩
15 The Alter Rebbe, siman 263, se'if 11 ↩
16 The Alter Rebbe, siman 339, se'if 8 ↩
17 The Alter Rebbe, siman 338, se'if 3 ↩
18 Shu"t HaRema, siman 125, and as he also ruled in siman 339, se'if 4; and see halacha number 1066 ↩
19 Orach Chaim, siman 339, se'if 14 ↩
20 Toras Menachem, vol. 4, p. 265, note 36, and in the marginal gloss ↩
21 And see also the Mishnah Berurah, siman 339, se'if katan 19: 'And therefore how very proper it is, for whoever has the ability, not to hold the wedding on Erev Shabbos at all, and especially close to nightfall; for even if the wedding will be on time, at any rate several more mishaps branch out from this, as above'. And also today, among the enactments of the rabbonim in Eretz Yisroel is not to hold a chuppah on Friday afternoon. And see also Tochachas Chaim (Palagi), Parshas Bereishis, 14a ff., and in his Shu"t Chaim VeShalom, vol. 2, siman 31 ↩
[11] (Halacha 1078)
Sunday.
In the previous halacha we saw that the Rishonim disagreed whether it is permitted to marry on Erev Shabbos and on Motzaei Shabbos, and as for the halacha, the Mechaber wrote that the minhag has spread to marry on Erev Shabbos.
Question: Is it permitted to get married on Sunday?
Answer: The concern of desecrating Shabbos
In the previous halacha we saw the words of the Gemara1: 'Neither on Erev Shabbos nor on Motzaei Shabbos .. Rather, Rabbi Zeira said: It is a decree lest he slaughter a young bird'. And the Rambam2, who wrote: 'Women are not married either on Erev Shabbos or on Sunday, as a decree lest one come to desecrate Shabbos in preparing the seudah, for the chassan is preoccupied with his seudah'.
And the Acharonim discussed how to explain the words of the Rambam3: some explained that he held that according to one of the explanations in the Gemara, Sunday too is forbidden4, and some wrote5 that the Rambam's intent is not Sunday but the night of Sunday, that is, Motzaei Shabbos.
And the Mechaber writes in the Shulchan Aruch6: 'Some say that women are not married either on Erev Shabbos or on Sunday, as a decree lest one come to desecrate Shabbos in preparing the seudah. And some permit. And so the minhag has spread to marry women on Erev Shabbos, provided that he exerts himself over the wedding seudah for three days before the wedding'.
Thus the Mechaber cited the words of the Rambam in the name of "some say", that one does not marry on Sunday, and wrote "and some permit", and that the minhag is to marry — only regarding Erev Shabbos; and he did not write the minhag regarding Sunday7.
And Rabbi Chaim Palagi writes8: 'I say that there is room to argue and to forbid weddings on Sunday, since the reason it was permitted to marry a woman on Erev Shabbos is because the minhag spread, as in the words of Maran in the Shulchan Aruch; and if so, this is specifically on Erev Shabbos, where we find that it spread to permit; but on Sunday, where we find no minhag at all of marrying on Sunday, we must say that they accepted upon themselves the view of the Rambam, the Ramban, and our teacher Rabbi Yosef ibn Migash z"l and those who agree with them, who forbade marrying a woman on Sunday because of the concern of the prohibition of desecrating Shabbos; and it is like permitted things that others have practiced as forbidden, which one may not permit in their presence'.
However, see at the end of his words, where he wrote that the minhag has already spread to hold weddings on Erev Regel even when it falls on Sunday.
And the Yalkut Yosef9 writes that the Mechaber decided leniently regarding Sunday as well: 'And it is known that in every place where Maran writes "some say" and "some say", the halacha follows the latter "some say"; and consequently, the view of Maran is not to be particular about weddings on Erev Shabbos and on Sunday'.
The concern of "their statutes"
It is written in the Shu"t HaGeonim10 regarding weddings on Shabbos: 'And he transgresses "ובחקותיהם לא תלכו" ("and you shall not follow their statutes"), for the gentiles betroth their wives on their festival day; and our Rabbis of blessed memory said: A virgin is married on Wednesday and a widow on Thursday, and whoever transgresses the words of the Sages is liable to death'. And in Shu"t Beis Dovid11 he learned from this also to refrain from weddings on Sunday, which is their festival day.
And the Rema writes in his responsa12: 'Also because it is not the way of these places to go in the hinuma until after Shabbos and to hold the wedding on Sunday, in the manner of the townspeople, who hold their weddings on their festival day'.
And the Pischei Teshuvah cited him13: 'And so the minhag has spread to marry on Erev Shabbos. But on Sunday there is no minhag; and so I found in Shu"t Rema, siman 124, who wrote that it is not the way to hold weddings on Sunday, like the statutes of the Kusim etc.; see there'.
And the Ta'alumos Lev14 writes on the words of the Rema: 'That he did not forbid this because of the statutes of the gentiles .. It is clear in his intent that in those places they were not accustomed to hold weddings on Sunday, and it is possible that at that time the gentiles in those places were accustomed to hold their weddings on their festival day, and the Jews did not want to resemble them; which is not so now, when they have no fixed day ..'15. And there were gedolei Yisroel who practiced thus, permitting marrying on Sunday16.
The Rebbe writes17: 'Regarding the manner of the wedding: how good it would be if it were not on Sunday; and until when will Jews imitate the minhag of the lands'.
> Thus we have seen that in a case where a wedding on Sunday appears to be an imitation of the minhag of the gentiles, it is proper to refrain from marrying on Sunday; but in places where this is not the minhag of the non-Jews, or in a place where non-Jews are not present, it is permitted to marry also on Sunday.
--------------
Notes:
1 Kesubos 4b, 5a ↩
2 Hilchos Ishus, ch. 10, halacha 14 ↩
3 See Sefer Atzei Arazim (Berlin), se'if katan 6, and in the Biur Rosh Pinah on the Shulchan Aruch, se'if 3 ↩
4 See Bnei Ahuvah, Hilchos Ishus, ch. 10, halacha 14 ↩
5 The Makneh, Kuntres Acharon, siman 64, se'if 3 ↩
6 Even HaEzer, siman 64, se'if 3 ↩
7 And see the Pischei Teshuvah, os 4, on the words of the Mechaber, cited below: 'But on Sunday there is no minhag' ↩
8 Shu"t Chaim VeShalom, vol. 2, siman 31, folio 92a ↩
9 Sova Semachos 1, ch. 2, notes to os 5 ↩
10 (Assaf) siman 32 ↩
11 (Leiter) siman 80 ↩
12 Siman 125 ↩
13 Se'if katan 4; and see also Eshel Avraham (Butchach), siman 339 ↩
14 Vol. 3, siman 57 ↩
15 Other Acharonim wrote similarly; and see Shu"t Mayim Chaim (Mashash), Even HaEzer, siman 118:2: 'For they wrote that the gentiles betroth their wives on their festival day, and therefore they went to great lengths to be stringent in the matter, to distance them from the statutes of the gentiles; but in our times there is no trace of this at all, for they too marry women on any day of the year they wish. And furthermore, in the days of the Geonim idolatry was prevalent in the world, and their festival day of which they spoke was a commemoration of idolatry; and therefore they went to great lengths to be stringent, to distance a person from the transgression of any trace of idolatry. But in our times there is no trace of idolatry at all anywhere, and as for all the Christian holidays nowadays — some of them are only in commemoration of their messiah, who knew Hashem, as is known, and some of them in commemoration of the victories of their wars, and nothing more. And if so, the matter is simple and clear that it is permitted to marry a woman on any day one wishes, even if one of the Christian holidays falls on it' ↩
16 And see Likutei Maharich, vol. 3, p. 129: 'Now in our country they are accustomed to hold weddings on Sunday, and no one is concerned about this. And I found in Sefer Cheshev HaEfod on the Torah, where he wrote there a letter of the holy Gaon of Radzil zt"l, in which it is stated that he held the wedding of his daughter on Sunday — she married the son of Maran the holy Gaon of Sanz zt"l — and that the holy Gaon of Kaminka zt"l was also there; and certainly the words of the above Shu"t HaRema were not hidden from these great ones of the world. And also, how is it possible, if they decreed about this, that all the sons of great rabbis would do something forbidden? Rather, perforce, we heard it but they did not accept it, according to the plain wording of the Gemara at the beginning of Kesubos: "and she shall be married on Sunday"' ↩
17 Igros Kodesh, vol. 18, p. 207; and see also Igros Kodesh, vol. 17, p. 237 ↩
[12] (Halacha 1079)
The Ten Days of Teshuvah
Question: May one get married during the Ten Days of Teshuvah?
Answer: The Mateh Ephraim writes1: 'It is customary not to hold weddings on these days; nevertheless, if because of some circumstance beyond control or some reason it happened that they held a wedding on the day of Tzom Gedaliah, if it is postponed, the chassan and kallah are permitted to eat after they have left their chuppah; but within the seven days of feasting one should not be lenient'. And so the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch2 wrote in practice.
And regarding the reason for the minhag, Rabbi Shlomo Kluger3 writes: 'Now the minhag is that women are not married until after Yom Kippur .. And the reason for this minhag appears to be in two ways. First: since our Sages of blessed memory said that one who marries a woman, all his sins are forgiven, if so, at the beginning of the year he should not make an effort toward forgiveness of sins until Yom Kippur, when the Holy One, blessed be He, together with the essence of the day, forgives him his sins; and if he makes an effort toward forgiveness of sins beforehand, before Yom Kippur, it is like raising a hand against the King .. And a second reason may be said in this: since our Sages of blessed memory said in Rosh Hashanah, "Which festival is it on which the month is covered? This is Tishrei," and the Mekubalim explained the intent, that Above the Satan covers the moon; and if so, the moon is not revealed Above until Yom Kippur. And therefore Kiddush Levanah is not performed until Motzaei Yom Kippur, for then the moon is revealed Above in its light; but until Yom Kippur the moon Above is in concealment, even though it is seen below. And therefore, since the moon is in concealment Above, it is like the end of the month, when women are not married; so too here, since the moon is covered and we do not perform Kiddush Levanah, we do not perform kiddushin with a woman. These seem to me to be the reasons, and it is very correct, with the help of Hashem; and examine it carefully'.
And the Sdei Chemed4 writes: 'And it is not hard to give a commendable reason for this minhag, for these days are remembered and observed as days of teshuvah, and at a chuppah, where drunkenness is common, there will not be lacking levity and several prohibitions, sins of the individual and of the public; and in a place of rejoicing where wine enters, there is no trembling; therefore it is not proper to bring them to stumbling blocks. So it appears simple regarding the reason for their minhag, and it is correct'5.
However, some wrote that it is not their minhag to refrain from holding weddings on these days, as written in Shu"t Rabbi Azriel Hildesheimer6 : 'But in our country they are not accustomed to this at all, and the wedding of the tzaddik, the Rav [Rabbi Yaakov Koppel Dr. Heinemann z"l], Av Beis Din of the holy community of Gothenburg, was between Kesseh and Asor'.
And in Shu"t Melamed LeHo'il7 he writes: 'However, I toiled and did not find any source for this minhag, and it seems that this minhag did not spread and was not known even to the great ones of the generation. And I myself held my wedding on the 6th of Tishrei of the year 5633, and my father-in-law, the great Rav, the tzaddik, our teacher Rabbi Yonah Rosenbaum zt"l, since he was in doubt whether this might be somewhat against some law or minhag, first discussed this matter with the Rav, the Gaon, our teacher Rabbi Seligmann Baer Bamberger zt"l, and he ruled that this is permitted without any doubt, and on the contrary, the fulfillment of the mitzvah of pru u'rvu could tip the scale toward merit; and so I did in practice, and none of my teachers, rabbis or colleagues opened his mouth to say that there is any trace of prohibition in this. Therefore it seems clear to me that one who has not fulfilled the mitzvah of pru u'rvu should not refrain from holding a wedding during the Ten Days of Teshuvah, for it is quite possible that this mitzvah will tip the scale for him toward merit. And only one who has already fulfilled the mitzvah of pru u'rvu should delay the wedding if possible, in order to take into account the words of the Magen Avraham and Rabbi Yaakov Emden mentioned above. Afterward I saw in Sefer Darkei Noam, in the name of my teacher, the Gaon Rabbi Azriel Hildesheimer, that he too permits'.
And in Shu"t Yechaveh Daas8 he writes: 'However, this minhag too did not spread in most places, and many, whole and numerous, hold their weddings during the Ten Days of Teshuvah. And all the more so in these times, when nearly all the young men who marry are over the age of twenty, and a holy obligation rests upon them to hasten their weddings as much as possible'.
However, even in places that practiced this minhag, the poskim wrote that in a case of pressing need and necessity one may marry9, as written in the Levushei Mordechai10: 'That his son the chassan needs to set the time of the completion of his chuppah, for mazal tov, between Kesseh and Asor. Now what is written in Sefer Mateh Ephraim is known, that it is customary not to hold weddings during the Ten Days of Teshuvah, unless [if] some circumstance beyond control and necessity occurred. And so the later Acharonim cited, as my friend, his honor the great Rav, our teacher Rabbi Chaim Tzvi, may his light shine, dayan and moreh tzedek of this holy community, showed me in the new Sefer Orchos Chaim [there, in the glosses of the Maharsham], and in the Sdei Chemed, that at a time when there is a circumstance beyond control and pressing need, the minhag does not apply. And there is no greater circumstance beyond control than at this time, as is known: the regions are almost closed, no one goes out and no one comes in except with great effort and expense, and for now he obtained a permit for a limited number of days. And the main reason they wrote is that at weddings there is excessive rejoicing and drunkenness, and we are concerned about immodesty. And the father of the chassan, may his light shine, accepted upon himself that he will protest with all his strength to prevent circle dances and dancing11 .. And see the Rema at the beginning of Hilchos Tishah B'Av, siman 550, and siman 562 [se'if 2]; it is plainly implied from his words that they would hold weddings also during the Ten Days of Teshuvah, and certainly at that time everything was done with proper conduct'.
And see also the Tzitz Eliezer12: 'However, it seems that the world has already become accustomed, and especially among us Ashkenazim, not to hold chuppah and kiddushin during the Ten Days of Teshuvah; however, in a case of need and pressing circumstance of whatever kind, one may well permit holding chuppah and kiddushin during the Ten Days of Teshuvah; and fine are the words I saw written on this in Sefer Hillel Omer, Orach Chaim, siman 292, that one may permit when the chassan and kallah are already together ... and also when they merely go together, one may also permit, as is simple'.
And regarding the view of the Rebbe: in Igros Kodesh13 a letter from the year 5714 was printed — notes on Sefer Even Yaakov (Meskin), which discusses permitting a wedding during the Ten Days of Teshuvah on account of the principle that 'one does not pass over mitzvos:
And the Rebbe wrote: 'It is minhag Yisroel not to marry during the Ten Days of Teshuvah (and there is no difficulty from Yoma — for where it is certainly possible, it is different). And many are the views that one passes over a mitzvah in order to fulfill it in the choicest manner: Terumas HaDeshen, Maharil, Chacham Tzvi, Tur and Shulchan Aruch, Rema, Divrei Malkiel, and others. And so are everyday occurrences: going to a more distant shul, an aliyah to the Torah for shishi and maftir (for those who hold that they have an advantage over the preceding ones), etc., etc. — And especially in our case, which requires preparation (and even much preparation), according to several Acharonim the rule of "one does not pass over mitzvos" does not apply at all (the views are collected in the Sdei Chemed, Pe'as HaSadeh, Kelalim, alef, 47). — And heaven forbid, heaven forbid, to abolish, because of questions of pilpul and answers, so many of the minhogim of the Jewish people, whose content is to fulfill the mitzvos of Hashem in the choicest manner, as it is said: "כל חלב לה׳" ("All the fat is for Hashem"). — (See the Rambam, end of Hilchos Issurei Mizbe'ach). And regarding this it is said (Midrash HaGadol, Bereishis 4:4): Since he brought his offering from the choicest, with a generous eye, his offering was pleasing to the Holy One, blessed be He, and concerning him it says: "וערבה לה׳ מנחת יהודה וירושלים כימי עולם וכשנים קדמוניות" ("Then the offering of Yehudah and Yerushalayim shall be pleasing to Hashem, as in the days of old and as in former years")'.
Thus the Rebbe too held that the minhag of the Mateh Ephraim is a minhag Yisroel [and even for the marriage of one who remarries his divorcée].
However, regarding the wedding of the shluchim Matusof of Morocco and Pinson of Tunis, which took place in Chatzros Kodsheinu on 7 Tishrei 5738 — according to the family, the date of the wedding was set by the Rebbe himself, although the reason for this is not known.
> Thus it is minhag Yisroel not to marry during the Ten Days of Teshuvah, and in a case of need they should ask a rav.
Notes:
1 Siman 602, se'if 5 ↩
2 Siman 130, se'if 4 ↩
3 Chochmas Shlomo on the Shulchan Aruch there ↩
4 Ma'areches Chassan VeKallah, os 23. Cited in the Elef HaMagen, se'if katan 5 ↩
5 And see there that he arranged kiddushin during the Ten Days of Teshuvah in the year 5638 in Karasov: 'And at first no concern or doubt entered my small mind, for I did not know of any minhag in this, nor had I seen anything about this written in a sefer, great or small; but a day or two passed and I heard the voice — the country criticized it; the eldest among them said, "נער הייתי גם זקנתי" ("I was young and I have also grown old"), and I have not seen any chuppah and kiddushin on these holy days, days of forgiveness and atonement, of tefillah and supplication' ↩
6 Orach Chaim section, p. 157; and see there in the editor's note, who holds that this minhag stemmed from an error of the author of the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch in understanding the Mateh Ephraim, who spoke only of Tzom Gedaliah ↩
7 Vol. 3, siman 1 ↩
8 Vol. 1, siman 48 ↩
9 And see Avraham Azkir (Palagi), Ma'areches ches, os 123 ↩
10 Mahadura Revi'ai, siman 183 ↩
11 However, in the Yechaveh Daas there he wrote on his words: 'Nevertheless, it appears that in truth one should be stringent only regarding mixed dancing of immodesty and frivolity, which is forbidden even during the rest of the year .. but dancing of a mitzvah performed in honor of the chassan and kallah to gladden them is certainly permitted also during the Ten Days of Teshuvah, and there is also a mitzvah in it; only that in a place of rejoicing there should be trembling' ↩
12 Vol. 7, siman 49, ch. 11, os 10 ↩
13 Vol. 9, p. 205 ↩
From the 'Shone Halacha' project - a daily halacha with reasons and sources
Link to the (quiet) group: 'Shone Halacha - Chabad Minhogim'
Join the WhatsApp groupMarriage in the Second Half of the Month
[It should be clarified — as brought there — that in our times it is proper to make the wedding earlier and not to delay it because of setting the date in the second half of the month] (Halacha 1074)
> Setting the time of the wedding — the second half of the month.
Question: Does this minhag apply in all months?
Answer: In this halacha we will go through the order of the months and see in which months care is taken:
Tishrei:
Even among those who follow this minhag, there are months in which it was not observed, as the Aruch HaShulchan writes1: 'And there are months in which the custom is not to be particular about this: in Elul, Tishrei and Adar.'
However, in Sefer HaMinhogim2 it is written: 'It seems that in the month of Tishrei as well, our minhag is to make a chuppah only in the first half of the month'.
Kislev:
In Sefer HaMinhogim there it is written: 'And instead of making a chuppah in the month of Cheshvan, this is done in the month of Kislev, also in the second half of the month of Kislev'.3
Adar and Elul:
We saw above the words of the Aruch HaShulchan that in the months of Adar and Elul as well, people are not particular to refrain from marrying in the second half of the month.
And so writes the Sdei Chemed4 regarding the months of Adar and Elul: 'Some years ago, in a letter sent to me by my friend, a distinguished rav near this country — namely the great Rav, our teacher Rabbi Shneur Zalman Pinsker5, Av Beis Din of Kherson, may his light shine — I saw that he excluded from this rule (marrying while the moon is waning) the month of Adar and the month of Elul, for in both of them no one is concerned about the waning of the moon, and he testified that it often happens that people marry at the end of Adar and at the end of Elul, even in the days of the waning: and he testified so in the name of great rabbonim in large towns, and the master said that in his opinion the reason they were lenient in these is that regarding the month of Adar it is said "והחדש אשר נהפך להם מיגון לשמחה ומאבל ליו״ט" ("and the month which was turned for them from sorrow to joy and from mourning to a festive day"), and the whole month is implied; and once Adar begins we increase in joy, and a Jew who has a lawsuit with ... etc., for his fortune is strong'.
Further on, the Sdei Chemed mentioned it again and wrote: 'And behold, the great Rav, Rabbi Shneur Zalman, may his light shine, the Gaon Av Beis Din of Kherson, wrote to him testifying that he saw in practice that in the months of Adar and Elul people marry throughout the whole month, and that even among great rabbonim he saw that they are not particular about this; and the aforementioned great Rav gave a sound reason, that regarding the month of Adar it is said "והחודש אשר נהפך להם מיגון לשמחה כו'" ("and the month which was turned for them from sorrow to joy" etc.) And the conclusion of his words: hold this rule in your hand — all the minhogim of the chosson and kallah we learn from the giving of the Torah. Thus far the words of the great Rav, our teacher Rabbi Sh. Z., may his light shine. And behold, although the poskim do not mention any special merit of the months of Adar and Elul regarding marrying during the days of the waning of the moon, nevertheless the great Rav, our teacher Rabbi Sh. Z., may his light shine, is trustworthy to us, and his words are words of reason and good sense.
And so writes Sefer HaMinhogim there: 'In the month of Adar, and likewise in the month of Elul, the chuppah is made on all days of the month'.
The month of Adar I:
Rabbi Gavriel Zinner, author of Nitei Gavriel, asked the Rebbe regarding what is written in Sefer HaMinhogim, whether the intent is also to the days of the month of Adar I, and the Rebbe answered him6: 'I have not heard explicitly. And in my humble opinion — in our times, whoever makes the wedding earlier, in accordance with the law of Moshe and Yisroel, is praiseworthy. Especially after there have already been 'tenaim' (and even — a decision to that effect and the closeness that comes about through it). And our Sages of blessed memory said that the completion of the 'souls in the guf' also brings the son of Dovid, the true and complete Geulah'.
And based on this he wrote in his sefer7 that in Adar I as well, weddings should be held on all days of the month.
Iyar:
People marry on Lag BaOmer even though it is in the second half of the month8 [but ideally it is preferable on Lag BaOmer during the day; see halacha number 1071].
> Thus we have seen that even for those whose custom is not to marry in the second half of the month, in the month of Adar one may marry throughout the whole month, and likewise in the month of Adar I in its entirety, and likewise in the month of Elul. (And likewise on Lag BaOmer)
Notes:
1 Even HaEzer, siman 64, se'if 13 ↩
2 p. 76 ↩
3 It should be noted that the Bach in siman 573 wrote: '..even on the 28th of Kislev, which is also one of the days on which people fast, and it is no better than Rosh Chodesh Nissan, he also fasts on the day of his chuppah; and the reason the Rav did not mention it is because it is not customary to hold weddings at the end of the month', it appears from his words that it is obvious that in the month of Kislev too the custom is not to hold them in its second half ↩
4 Vol. 6, p. 1256, Maareches Chosson VeKallah, os 21, s.v. Velifnei ↩
5 One of the chassidim of the Rebbe the Tzemach Tzedek and the Rebbe Maharash, and he lived to be among those who urged the Rebbe Rashab to accept the nesius ↩
6 A response dated 10 Shevat 5746, cited in his sefer Nitei Gavriel, Nisuin, vol. 1, ch. 48, note 51 ↩
7 Ch. 48, os 22 ↩
8 And see HaNisuin KeHilchasam, ch. 5, note 167 ↩